I hear from men and women at all levels of their careers that things are OK, but they have an overall stuck feeling. They have a yearning that's not being met—whether it's creativity, meaning, collaboration, mentorship or for f$ck sake—a sane boss. Whatever it is, they do a lot of these things to deal with it:

• Complain to friends, family and dogs

• Read articles and books that tell them how they should change themselves

• Compare themselves to others who seem to have their shit together (at least on Instagram. #noimnotastalker)

While at least the first two of these approaches seem like they could be productive—without one critical element—you're digging the hole deeper. 

Instead of all this ruminating, you must take action. It could be teeny, tiny or ridiculously huge. It could be directly related to your job or in my case (back in my digital marketing days), it could be so disconnected that you get the head scratching response of, "You feel stuck in your career so you're running the New York City Marathon? No comprendo, friend." 

In retrospect, I didn't have any good responses (except the snarky ones) for this line of questioning, but somehow I knew it was exactly what this newbie runner needed to do to find my answers. And man, did I find what I needed in this most unlikely of places. After the marathon, I realized, "I'm not that great a runner and I ran a marathon. What can I do with the things I'm great at? And why am I not doing them right now?" This one thought, combined with the knowledge that I accomplished something I didn't think possible, gave me the courage to pursue coaching and writing—helping people live lives they once thought impossible, too! 

What will you DO to step out of this funky stuck place? (Hint: it doesn't need to be a marathon! Phew.)

• You can set up conversations with those three people you've been stalking admiring on Instagram. How did they get where they are?

• You can commit to seven days of journaling, gratitude or meditation. Getting quiet sounds like non-action, but it's one of the most powerful things you can do to get in touch with your inner compass.

• You can ask five people what they think your strengths are.

• You can book a trip to somewhere you've always wanted to go.

• You can volunteer for a cause in which you care deeply, but never felt you had the time to support.

You've got options. The key to knowing if you've found the right answer is if you respond YES to any of these questions:

1. Will this bring me joy?

2. Is it something I'm curious about?

3. Do I feel lit up inside when I think about it?

4. Does it scare me (at least a little)?

Now, stop reading, thinking and thinking some more. Put down your phone. And go do something. DO SOMETHING! Right. Now. Un-stuckness is waiting for you. 
 

While I haven’t ever faced ageism personally—whether it’s because I worked in cultures where experience was valued or because I transitioned into my own business in my early forties—it’s a common fear that comes up with my job seeking and career transition clients across industries. 

While I rarely learn about overt age discrimination in my practice, the following scenarios come up often for clients as young as 40:

• Hearing crickets when you send out your resume that features top brands and years of what you would expect to be considered valued expertise.

• Learning that you’re “over-qualified” in interviews even if you say you’re open to more junior roles because of a transition.

• Feeling palpable discomfort in an interview with hiring managers who are 10+ years younger than you.

While an AARP study tells us that nearly 65% of older workers say that they have experienced age-based discrimination at work, in all the above, more subtle scenarios, we have no way to validate there was age discrimination in play. Perhaps there was, and while unfair and wrong, it is something that is out of your control (and something that corporate diversity and inclusion programs are beginning to tackle in employee hiring and retention policies and training). But—there was also the perception and the fear of age discrimination on the part of the applicant—which is the part that is within your control. That fear does not bring out your best and most confident self. So, what can you do? 

Get clear on your story: who you are, the value you bring and why you’re a unique fit for the role. 

You can get the clarity you need by doing the following:

1. Rewrite your experience narrative
Take a look at your resume and freely write your story on a separate page. If you were to write it as a linear and purposeful career path (something many of us don’t have), how would you tell that story? What’s one major learning example from each role that brought you to where you are in your career today? Identify any conflicts or unresolved resentment that come up as you tell your story and re-frame them as opportunities you had to learn to stretch in your skills and expertise. 

2. Identify your transferrable and most marketable skills
This is important for any job seeker, but especially for those concerned about being overlooked because of age. Demonstrate your value in terms of your skills and expertise that match up with the needs of the organization, not because of your years of experience. While years of experience should be something that is respected, this information may provide little value to a hiring manager who does not have years of experience under his or her belt. By building the bridge and sharing how your skills sync up with the skills needed for the role, you’re providing more tangible evidence that you’re a good fit. 

3. Assume the best
If you’ve nailed your story, you’ve prepped with a friend, a partner, a coach or a mirror, go into the job search with confidence that you’re doing your best. Lead with the expectation that age will not be a factor and that the biggest variable is fit. By walking into your conversations with a fear that age will be an issue, you may be creating something that’s not actually there or exacerbating something you can overcome with an articulate and persuasive story. 

One standard practice I advise clients to do when they don’t get a role, is to ask for feedback. You may be assuming there’s an age issue while there’s actually a productive piece of wisdom you can bring into your next interview (like we needed to see more quantifiable results or you don’t have the B2C marketing experience needed for this role). When you receive this valuable feedback, you can put some of your fears to rest, helping you focus on the parts of your conversations and your search that are solidly within your power. 

There are many variables that can destroy your work-life balance formula. The top three I hear are:

1. A lack of support from partners, family and friends

2. An inflexible work situation

3. Guilt about not doing enough in work or life

The first two can absolutely be optimized, tweaked and improved, but the reality is they will take time (and focus!) to adjust because they are deeply connected to your external circumstances and people who may be slow to change. 

But guilt, oh guilt—when I see it show up in a session, I feel the potential energy of a transformation. If guilt is your number one reason for being out of balance, you're in luck and you're about to change your life—on the quick. Let me spell this out for you. 

Guilt is in your control. 

Guilt is your choice. 

Guilt is sucking the joy out of all you're doing well. 

When you give up guilt, you're not changing your job or your boss or the field trip you had to miss because of a meeting. You're changing what all those things mean to you. Remember—you get to choose what they mean and why not take a deep breath and choose to think that you're doing the best you can (which is pretty damn good). 

I'm not saying there's no room for improvement. Of course there is! It's always helpful to reflect on how you're doing in your work or as a parent, or with how you're contributing to the world. But—it's critical to do this reflection without judgment. If you're coming from the perspective of being a self-aware flawed human, you're opening up the possibility for change. You can channel the time and energy you were spending on guilt on some realistic tweaks to your life that can bring you pride and confidence about your path and the choices you're making. 

Here's a quick exercise I like to use to move through guilt when it comes up for me:

1. Become aware of the guilt I'm feeling.

2. Notice where I feel it in my body.

3. Put my hand on that part of my body and take 3 deep breaths.

4. Tell myself, "I'm doing the best I can. I'm loved and respected for everything I do." (Find something you can say that resonates for you.)

Of course, working through guilt will be an ongoing practice because it will never go away completely. But, you will be amazed at how quickly you can find relief from giving it up. It's nothing short of liberating (and addictive!). What are you currently feeling guilty about that you can release RIGHT NOW? Yes, you can choose to feel peace, right now, and it feels calm and safe, like a place to call home. 

Excitement, stress, anticipation, fall clothes and backpacks appearing in boxes in a frantic panic to be "ready!" The back to school fervor is upon us and it is yet another time of year when working parents can lose their cool in a sea of overwhelm and guilt. Don't go there. There's another way to forge forward, friends—and it doesn't involve a trip to Staples during peak after school hours with two kids in tow. 

I'm going to keep this one short and sweet, because truly—who has time to read anything longer than a list right now? 

Here's my list of ways to keep it real and stay sane during Back to School:

1. Do whatever you do to stay calm
If exercise, deep breaths or a coffee date with a friend is your happy place, don't let those things fall off the list right now. There's going to be enough excitement and perhaps anxiety coming from the kids for the entire family to absorb, so the more you can manage your own stress, the less there will be to go around. 

2. Acknowledge your kids' emotions that may be running high
Provide your kids with a safe place to feel the emotions of and express the fears around their upcoming return to school. For kids who may not want to talk about it, have some art materials on hand so they can express what they need to in a way that makes sense for them. 

3. Don't feel the need to buy into consumer panic
If Johnny doesn't have his thermos on day one of school—everyone will live. If Jane only has a few outfits she loves right now, it's all going to work out. There will be other sales. There will be other discounts. You have a lot on your plate right now, so if shopping isn't a priority—that's OK. 

4. Get organized
You may remember this one from my piece in June, A Working Parents' Guide To Surviving The School Year's End. Get ahead of all of the activities. Get them on the calendar. Divide and conquer with your village. Talk to the kids to let them know you can't go to all of the activities, but you want to go to the ones that are the most important to them—and then do your best to make that happen. 

5. Routine-ify a few days early
We all let bedtimes and wakeup times slide during summer. Breaking down the routine allows us to have that extra glass of rosé in those beloved evening hours at the beach or to see that outdoor movie in the park. I strongly encourage getting back into your regular routine 2-3 days before you head back to school if you want to do your best to avoid first day meltdowns. Tired kid = melty kid. 

6. Create a Ritual
Each new school year is a BIG DEAL for your kids and for you. Create a way to honor that and mark the day in a special way. We've been going out for dinner with the same two families every last and first day of school since the kids were in preschool. It's something they look forward to doing, a way for them to extend the excitement of the day and share all the big news with their oldest friends. 

7. Set an intention for the new school year
What do you want to get out of this school year as a parent? Who do you want to be in the face of homework frustration, friendship struggles and changing bodies? Going into the school year with a simple intention like, I am empathy, or I am peace, could be just what you need to remember during those tough times to help you move beyond your go-to stressed out reaction. 

8. Participate in a way that feels right to you
If you want to be involved in your kids' education—that's great—but do the things that make the most sense for you. If you love to go on field trips, work with the teachers to get the dates in advance so you can plan them into your work schedule. If you're a super organized type and like the administrative role of class parent, go for it! But don't step up to do those roles out of guilt or obligation. Surely there's a way you can channel your own superpowers to participate in class or in your children's school. 

9. Reflect and optimize without judgment
Think about how you handled the end of school last year. What worked and what didn't? Where did your stress and overwhelm kick in? How did your badassery show up? Without making yourself feel bad or wrong about how it went down, learn from what I like to call, "The June Cluster" and choose an area to focus your improvements. Don't expect perfection, but do know that by the time the kids go to college—you're going to be killing it! 

10. Acknowledge the loss that comes with a new year
Gulp. This is a tough one. Watching your baby start kindergarten. Helping your middle schooler memorize her locker combo. Backing down when your high schooler doesn't want ANY help at all. With each new year comes new skills and a greater maturity, but also a loss of that baby who knew you were her north star. Recognizing the sting of these losses helps you prepare for the new needs of each developmental stage. 

Remember, even with all the tools in the world and prep and getting ahead of it—you are not in control of how your child will handle this time of year. Kids will melt. Siblings will fight. Ice cream will fall off the cone. It's how we handle all that is not in our control—that IS within our control. I hope knowing that is the relief both you and your child need to simply do your best—and have gratitude that your best is pretty great. 

Hi friends, 
 
Growth can feel oh so good and I'm in it. I'm thrilled to be growing my practice and working on some new programs to help a wider audience outside of my 1-on-1 coaching. Huzzah! 

I would be deeply grateful if you could take 5 minutes to answer some questions so I can get to know more about you, the challenges in your path and how I may be able to support you through them! I LOVE the feedback you all send me on the regular so this will be one more step in helping me to deliver what you need in the ways you need it! 

Thanks in advance,

Rachel

PS. Let's grow together. You're going to like it—promise, promise.

I meet people who are many flavors of stuck in their careers. There’s the exhausted, overwhelmed, identity-questioning parent of a six-month-old variety. The golden handcuff choosers who can’t imagine a career they’re passionate about and stick with a mediocre role—the flexible devil they know. Or there are my risk-averse, stability seekers—put it up for a toxic boss and mountains of bureaucracy. I’m still getting paid every two weeks, right? 

When I ask each of these people and others what their ideal next role would look like—PhD’s, JD’s and MBA’s notwithstanding—they all say the same thing. I don’t know. They often want me to provide the answer. Friends, I wish I were that magical. There’s still time, right? 

Instead of showing up to our session with my tiara and wand (two accessories I truly do own), or coming up with a solution from my personal perspective, I set my client up to discover his or her own answer by focusing on these things:

1. Welcome the uncertainty
I have some news, type-A loves (my people—I get you, I really do.). You may not have an answer or a clear-cut direction to take right away, but you’re going to be OK! Instead of cursing this period of uncertainty, invite it into your life knowing that it is your key to finding something that is not the obvious next choice, something with meaning—a role that makes you feel like you’re in your skin for most of your day (instead of the 5 minutes before a meeting starts). Walk through your life during this time with openness to recognizing clues. When do you feel interested, curious, excited, alive? What were you doing, who were you with and what about that moment lit you up?

2. Create space to reflect and experiment
Brilliant ideas do not appear during overwhelming, over-scheduled, stretched-too-thin times of your life. They simply don’t. If this is how your life currently feels, make some shifts in how you’re managing your time and on what you’re choosing to make a priority. Set different boundaries in your work and at home. Do you really need to do laundry twice a week or binge-watch House of Cards (yes, tough call, but now is the time to make tough calls)? Say no to things and to people that aren’t a top priority for you with my approach to The Inspired No. Block out time in your calendar to get quiet and time to reflect on what you love doing, the clues you found that week, and your career highlights to date. Experiment with new skills and ideas by taking classes, picking up a freelance project and reaching out to the people with whom you want to connect. 

3. Do the things you love like they’re your job
Lucky for me as a lifelong self-improvement junkie, I picked up a phrase in my teen years that has always been part of my process during times of uncertainty. “Go towards the things you love and see what happens.” During these times, I’ve volunteered, joined a running group, read the top YA novels of the year, signed up for a Coach Training Certification and started a blog. While some of these things simply gave me more energy and gratitude to keep going, some of them transformed my life. You never know which of the things you choose is going to be the one that makes the difference, but man, are you going to have more fun during the process of finding out. 

4. Get honest and vulnerable with your supportive VIP’s
This time of uncertainty is not all unicorns and roses—even for the most enlightened of you. Gather the people who will hold your hand through the rollercoaster, cheer you on for the smallest of wins and even celebrate that you still don’t know—but you’re figuring it out. It takes courage to admit you don’t have all the answers and that you’re sitting with it to see what happens. And in taking that step with your VIP’s and building that bravery muscle—you’re opening yourself up to challenges that are outside of the current set of experiences you can imagine for yourself. If you don’t have supporters, this may be part of the reason you’re stuck. Begin reaching out to people with similar interests and life goals—both online and in real life to begin this shift in building out a team. 

When you practice these things for at least one to three months (instant gratification seekers need not apply), your perspective begins to change and instead of looking for clues under rocks—they can begin to dart out at you like you’ve been matched at Wimbledon with Serena. In taking these clues seriously and pursuing them as they appear (or bonk you in the head), you will uncover new, exciting opportunities. Some may feel wrong, strange or better for some years down the line, but others will be there for you to dive into—and deep, right now, with urgency… and you will be shocked that you had never thought of them before. 

I'm not that great a runner AND I ran a marathon. I lost my parents early in life AND I'm a damn good parent. I once had a boss who asked me to sign his divorce papers as a witness on week one of the job AND I went on to have a powerful experience in that role (despite his boundary-free antics). 

With all of these experiences, I chose a story of resilience. I believed I could—and that brought me half way to my goal. 

Resilience is to 2017 what Emotional Intelligence was to 1995. We can't stop talking about it. In their book, Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience and Finding Joy, Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant have propelled the conversation and the concept of resilience to the masses with practical tools to face challenges through Sheryl's relatable and honest story of loss. 

In reading Option B and the many articles to follow—I'm reminded of how critical it is to cultivate resilience during your job search. Many clients come to me feeling hopeless in their search. They feel they'll never get a job, or they'll never find one that excites them. 

And then I see it happen over, and over again. A job description that is the near exact role envisioned in the first session with me. A fascinating conversation with a former colleague. Interviews where they walk out feeling ALIVE. An offer that comes through within a week—after months checking in on other potential opportunities. 

I'm fortunate enough to see things turn around in an instant for multiple clients, so that's my reality and the perspective I bring. I know that even when it seems like it's time to give up and you should take that job that is a replica of the last job you hated—there's something that can rock your world, just days away. 

Here's how you can bring the spirit of resilience to your search:

1. Faith
Have faith in yourself and your ability to work through this. If this is your first time going through something hard, consider yourself one of the lucky ones. If you've been through a few shit sandwiches before, have faith that whatever got you out of those will get you through this time of uncertainty. The more you believe, the more confident you will be in the world. Confidence attracts opportunities. 

2. Willingness to learn
Treat this time as a chance to optimize your interview skills. Hone in on your message and gain clarity on how you want to present yourself. The more often you're able to practice throughout your search—the better you get at authentically promoting yourself. Also—this a time to learn patience—something that can come in handy in all of our relationships and in your next job as well! 

3. Channel Your Strengths
What were the qualities that got you out of the last rough time in your life? How can you use those things in your search? Are you a master organizer? Create a spreadsheet that will be your command central for your search. Are you the comedian in your group of friends? Use your humor to break the ice on interviews and when networking. Are you a great listener? Make someone feel like they just had the best conversation of their life by asking great questions and truly listening. 

The good news is that even if you've been glass half empty about your search—there's still time to turn it around. If you don't believe any of these things will help because you're doomed to fail, try at least one of these resilient tweaks as an experiment. What do you have to lose? 

This July marked one year since I've been tracking my family's income and spending through an online tool that I adore – You Need A Budget or YNAB to aficionados, like me. Go ahead and congratulate me--it's my YNAB-iversary! For those of you who are unfamiliar with YNAB, it's a tool that you can use to forecast how you will spend and save all of your money and then reconcile your actual spending against your plan. 

To me, this anniversary represents the end of many lifelong destructive habits:

Excessive spending, light years beyond my means.

Retail therapy to make up for dissatisfaction in other areas of my life.

Fully handing over the reigns of my finances to someone (my husband) who would just "take care of it." 

Avoiding online accounts and paper statements for fear of what they would reveal. 

Arguments with my husband about what "we could afford" when neither of us were grounded in the data. 

Reacting to large annual bills as if they were a crisis and not something we knew happened every year. 

I knew I would never be able to run a successful company with this approach to personal finance—and I meant business when it came to my business. 

Time to transform my financial life. 

While I was still in the clouds about our personal finances, I was kicking ass with my business finances. All expense, projection and invoice i's dotted and t's crossed. That was the evidence my husband and I needed to agree that I would take over control of our finances COMPLETELY – paying bills, projecting earnings against expenses, becoming the point of contact for our accountant and our financial advisor and most importantly for us—budgeting and reconciling our budget against actuals with YNAB. 

I'm not going to lie--getting started was a daunting task. I quickly realized I couldn't do it alone, so I hired a Money Coach/YNAB expert to get us up and running. Within three months we exploded passed the learning curve and into a place of financial control. We're still at the beginning of our journey paying off our IBAR -- Invoices For Blessings Already Received (a.k.a. debt—thanks for the new lingo Kate Northrup!) and investing at the level we want to be—but we're no longer operating out of a stressful, needless crisis-mode. We know what we have. We know what we need. We know what we want AND we know what we need to bring in and spend in order to have what we want. What a difference a year can make! 

If you've talked to me for more than 15 minutes in the past year, I've probably already talked your ear off about the impact this shift has made on my life—but to crystallize it for the two or three of you who haven't had this conversation with me…yet…here are the top four things that I've learned. Hopefully they will inspire you to get grounded in your own financial life! 

1. Data without judgment = freedom
Here's where I tell you, if I can do it—so can you. Let's just say when I was telling one of my besties about my recent financial enlightenment, she took in the gravity of my life change by saying, "You were always good with money. I mean, you were always good at SPENDING it!" As I was grounding myself in the numbers, I was forced to look at all the mistakes, the years of overspending, the IBAR and all the choices without judgment. I chose to say, "This is where I am. It doesn't mean anything about me. This is my opportunity to learn how to nail this—just like I've done with so many other things in my life." Removing the negative force field, freed me to take leaps I never thought possible. 

2. Detailed tracking makes room for big life changes
Why now, you ask? I was in the middle of a multi-year career transition. I wanted to leave my digital marketing income behind, but I had no idea what I needed to bring in with my new-ish business to do that. I could have assumed I needed to make exactly what I was making in my previous career, but instead—by working the numbers and making some lifestyle choices, I was able to leave that job earlier than expected. When clients come to me feeling overwhelmed by the thought of a career transition, one of the first exercises I advise is to "know your numbers." What do you really need to bring in to meet your responsibilities to your family? With some optimizing, the number may not be what you think and you may be able to make the switch sooner. 

3. My life feels like my own when my spending matches my values
Because I'm a coach (and lifelong self-improvement junkie), I check in on my core values regularly. For example most recently, I've identified mine as community, connection, courage, inspiration and peace. In her book, Money: A Love Story, Kate Northrup asks readers to compare their spending against their values to see where they are in sync and where they are completely off. As I continue to view my spending with this filter in mind, my life feels more like a set of my choices—based on what I want it to include. We're not fully there, but I no longer spend on things because it's important to other people. If it's not a priority for me and my family—we don't choose to spend money on it. 

4. If my daughters learn alongside me—what a gift I can give them
Like nearly all of us, my family's story with money is complex. While many of my family members have imparted useful wisdom when it comes to making money, I wasn't explicitly taught how to save it or wisely spend it. Even as a lifelong feminist, somehow I always assumed that my husband would take on this job. With my two daughters, I want them to know the importance of financial literacy and independence. I let them take part in tracking our finances in YNAB so they see what funds are available to us and how we're choosing to spend. Occasionally, the topic of going out to eat will come up and my nine year old will say, "We should eat home instead because we only have $50 left in 'Dining Out' for this month." She says it with a casual Zen that reminds me we're truly doing this. I'm breaking a family and cultural cycle. I'm standing up for them to grow up knowing that financial control and freedom are possible, as individuals and as women. 

With all that I've learned, the habits I've changed, the life I continue to choose daily—the best part is my pride in turning the ship around. I did that! To be fair, I'm still doing it—but it doesn't make me any less proud. We're on an inspired financial path, with gratitude to a couple of great coaches, a cool tool that makes finance—dare I say—fun, an accountant who was as shocked as me to see my financial prowess evolve, and to everyone who's been willing to listen to my frequent reflections on my transformation this year. Here's to celebrating with a massage that will come out of my "Take Care of Me" line item!

If you're thinking of trying out YNAB, use my affiliate link on my Favorite Tools page!