Imperfect People (Like Me) Make Mistakes

I am a woman, a coach and a writer, preaching the gospel of compassion for thyself. And yet, as an entrepreneur in the client service business, I secretly hold myself to a higher standard. Especially when it comes to time and reliability.

I confirm all appointments a day or two in advance.

I arrive early, even when it’s uncool.

I’m the one at the party cutting the lemons and limes as the other guests file in.

I live and breathe by my Google calendar/s.

And in my less gracious moments, I’m the rigid one laying into my inner circle people for lateness and last-minute cancellations. You know who you are, and this piece is one part empathetic ode to you.

It’s within this stranglehold on perfectionist professionalism that I found myself in a failure of my own doing.

After two full days of onsite coaching for a corporate client, I was at home, in shorts and a t-shirt, resting and refueling, preparing for a corporate workshop the next day. All of the workshop materials had been sent more than a week in advance. I had time for a couple of calls and a walk in the park. Time to visualize and organize my thoughts, and to get a manicure to make sure I was polished for my topic of Personal Branding.

I was about to join a video call when my phone rang. It was the client. The workshop was not the next day, but that very day—beginning in 30 minutes. And it was nearly an hour away from my home.

I was in shock. Stunned. I could barely form a sentence. It had been on my calendar for the following day for months. I was sure of it. But I didn’t have time to backtrack on emails. And I had a sneaking suspicion it was my mistake. I wanted to vomit or just say I couldn’t do it.

But instead, I put on a dress, some heels, ignored my chipped nails, grabbed my makeup bag for the subway ride, apologized from my deepest depths and said, "I’ll be there in an hour."

I texted the client to get everyone started on the worksheets during my subway ride, offered an additional webinar or extra session to make up for what I knew was my fault. And I made it. 36 minutes late—but with a self-pep talk in the elevator and a joke to state the obvious in my intro—I jumped right in.

That phone call will surely replace my, "showing up for final exams after missing half the year of Spanish class" track, as the new number one spot on my stress dreams playlist. There’s no getting around it. It was bad: truly my worst professional mistake to date.

The shame ran deep. Mostly because I made this blunder around a value I hold dear: Integrity. In talking myself through it over the past weeks, looking for the lesson and most importantly—forgiving—I recalled the things I often say to clients when they are reminded of their imperfections.

"You are doing your best. You’re human. As much as you hate to admit it, you too make stupid mistakes. It’s how you show up after the mistakes that make you who you are."

And what pulled me from my shame is how in the face of that moment, I rose to be who I know I am. A woman with both integrity and flaws, with expectations of excellence and compassion for myself. And most of all, human.