When I coach job search and career transition clients, they define their non-negotiables for their next roles. Nine times out of ten, a top variable is: a leader who supports me. We then clarify what that means to them.

It often sounds like someone who:

1. Pushes them beyond what they believe are their capabilities.
2. Offers visibility with senior leaders and a chance to shine for their own work.
3. Backs them up when they are taking unpopular points of view.
4. Allows them space to take risks and to make mistakes.
5. Truly listens to their needs for flexibility and does their best to advocate for those parameters.
6. Thinks about them and nurtures them as whole people with long careers, rather than just employees fulfilling on current needs and projects.

It’s no mystery why this need comes up as one of the most important desires in a new role. When you don’t have the support of your boss, your job can be hard in ways that have nothing to do with the content or tasks of your actual role. It can range from annoying to the dreaded…unbearable.

When you’re in this situation and do not yet have an exit plan that is signed, sealed and delivered, there are several strategies that can help to get you through it:

1. Own up to your part in the relationship
Like it or not, this is not all about your manager. Who are you being in the face of these challenges? Is this situation bringing out a side of you that you don’t like or respect? It makes sense that you would act this way under stress, but when you note your behavior and own up to it—even if it’s simply to yourself, you can begin to learn how to handle this difficult time with strength, resilience and confidence.

2. Find other advocates in the organization
Your direct manager is not the only one who can offer you support in your role. Who are the other leaders with whom you’ve worked on projects and those who have championed your work in the past? Meet with them, take them out for coffee, stay positive and be clear on how they may be able to help. Perhaps they can offer you opportunities to work on projects with their teams, make introductions for new roles or give you feedback that may be able to provide a path to a more effective relationship with your manager.

3. Contain it
If you feel awful in the moments you have contact with your unsupportive boss, why would you extend the time period you feel that pain ten-fold by talking about your boss and his or her actions—All. Day. Long. Shut it down. Venting is not helping you feel better and it’s not helping anyone else help you. Your continued focus on this other person and what he or she is doing to you and your career is the equivalent of you handing over your power on a silver platter. I will remind you of one of my coaching mantras: The person responsible for your career is you.

4. Prioritize energy and forward movement
If you have decided that the only way out of this toxic environment is to leave your role or your organization, focus your energy there. If you spend all of your hours outside of the office either rehashing the things that drove you bananas during the day or working your butt off on tasks that are not mission critical in an effort to get in your leader’s good graces, you will have no time to focus on your search or the networking conversations that will bring you momentum. Do a truly good job in your role, but evaluate whether now is the time to take on extra volunteer office work or committees. Make the space for you to focus on your priority. The more traction you get in your search, the more power and confidence you will feel in the relationship with your manager—which will inevitably change the dynamic.

If you feel guilt about the relationship not working or leaving because of it—that is absolutely normal and expected. Know that you can always reframe the scenario when you lead with your curiosity. What can I learn from this moment and this person? How might everyone involved—including me—be better off if I moved on? If you’ve analyzed your role in this relationship, then you also know that this challenge is not all about you either—it is about a bad fit. Reminding yourself of this message often will be critical to your moving forward with confidence, knowing that you did all you could do. Your talents will be supported elsewhere by a leader who sees you for who you are and is energized by what you can create, together.

What To Do When Your Boss Doesn't Support You