Changing This One Thing Will Bring You Momentum In Your Job Search
Clients come to me at all stages of their job search.
From the beginning as they brainstorm what’s next while they’re in roles they like.
To the post figuring-it-out moment where they’re reworking how they’ll position themselves for specific opportunities.
To the dreaded—I’ve been searching for a year. I’ve done everything. Met everyone. And I still don’t have a job.
As you can imagine, the last scenario is the most challenging. And it’s not because these folks are unemployable. Many in this category are talented, skilled and highly marketable candidates. But there’s one thing that separates them from their less experienced counterparts who are swimming in potential opportunities.
Persistent and punishing self-judgement.
The judgement has a wide spectrum of flavors:
What’s wrong with me that I was laid off after working so hard for so many years?
I’m [insert arbitrary age]! Why don’t I have this figured out by now?!
I WILL NOT let myself take a walk or have lunch with a friend until I’ve sent out 5 resumes today—even if I’m sending them to companies where I have zero contacts.
My family needs my income and I’m letting them down.
It’s never going to happen for me. Never.
When I hear these harsh words I know—sure there could be some tweaking of an elevator pitch or a resume, but that’s not what’s holding up the process. The change that MUST be made—and the one that will make all the difference—is a mindset shift.
Here’s a path to making this change:
It starts with awareness: noticing the judgmental moments as they arise. What are the physical symptoms you feel when you are punishing yourself?
Think about what you would say to a younger version of you or a child in your life who is berating his or herself in this way. Something that is compassionate, forgiving and loving. One example that I came up with for myself on a personal front recently is, "Kindness FTW."
Next, practice. As many times as you can muster during the first 24 hours, then a week, then ongoing, replace your negative thoughts with your compassionate words.
Breathe through it.
Notice where you have resistance. Either via free writing, talking to friends or professionals, begin to investigate where that resistance may come from and where it may have held you back in the past.
Keep on going with your search while looking for shifts in how you’re feeling, or new results you’re getting with this approach. What’s possible now?
While you may not get the job within the first week of making this change (though in some cases you may), one immediate result is that you will begin to feel better. Once you release the pressure, you can give yourself permission to do the things that bring you joy before (or instead of) sending resumes into the ether. You will begin to rewrite the narrative about why this has taken the amount of time it has at the age that you are. Perhaps that story includes the opportunity to make this very shift in how you show up for yourself. Once you regain control of your story, you can begin to see that this IS possible for you. It will happen. And that’s when it does.
