How To Help Working Parents Right Now
As a working mother with two school age children (ages 8 and 11), one of the hardest moments of the pandemic experience to date was the announcement on March 15th that NYC schools would be closed through April 20th.
Slow-mo.
Gut punch.
No air.
"I need a beat." I finally strung together while catching my breath and processing my new reality.
Of course, I knew it was the right move for the city, the world and us. And now odds are that it will go longer still. But it was a moment that drove home the gravity of the situation and the extent to which our lives would change. I remind myself that experiencing this shift first-hand only makes me better equipped to serve my clients, and this helps me to keep moving forward–to spread the word on what powerful leadership looks like right now.
In the past two weeks, I have supported working parents who are now juggling:
Keeping their families physically safe and healthy
Minding their family’s mental health
Educating and entertaining the kids
Their work/roles/careers/businesses/financial health
It’s a lot. It’s overwhelming. It’s the opposite of business as usual. So leaders, colleagues, partners, clients and friends, here’s how to support working parents right now.
Expect less
This is a tough concept, but take it in. The physical and mental health of the family are the two most important priorities for working parents right now. They can’t do all that they were doing before the pandemic. Nor should they. They will burn out, and this is a marathon—not a sprint.
Go there
Acknowledge how hard this is for them and all they’re doing right now. Give them a space to talk if they want it. Give them a space to fall apart if they need it. Model vulnerability by talking about what’s hard for you right now. Ask where they need support and show up when they call on you.
Practice compassionate scheduling
On a more tactical front, this will be critical in showing you see the struggle for working parents right now. Be ruthless in your decisions of what topics require a meeting and what can be handled via email, slack text or any of the other million communication tools out there. My observation of how scheduling is working for many parents is that meetings are best scheduled between 9 and 12 and 1 and 3. Lunchtime is sacred and after 3–when the official school day ends, there will be many interruptions, so meetings are not ideal. And please, be generous and understanding when working parents can’t jump on to last-minute meetings. They are holding this together with sticks and glue so a last minute request can throw an entire day off-course.
Remember the path toward gender equity
Working with many women in my practice, I can tell you first-hand, the working moms are filling in many of the gaps—and it’s not because the fathers don’t want to help. It’s because their employers expect that they have a partner of the female persuasion who will take it all on so they can continue to forge forward at the same pace and productivity level. If employers want to walk the talk on diversity and inclusion right now, they MUST expect less from parents of all genders. This isn’t a woman problem. It’s a human problem and we must come together as humans and as families to address it.
Make special accommodations for parents of kids under 5 (wherever possible)
I am bowing down to working parents of the smallest kids right now. Children who can’t possibly understand our current situation. Children who require care that is physical, non-stop and depleting—especially when social and outdoor time is limited. Whether it’s opening up the communication more deeply, shifting work around the team, restructuring schedules, accepting babies on laps during zoom calls or simply holding judgment on how people and homes look on video (a shower is not a foregone conclusion these days!)—create a safe space for imperfection, vulnerability and resilience for your people.
It’s clear, this new reality is hard for all of us and it’s hard for us in different ways. Along with my compassion practice, I’m moving forward by being generous when I feel strong and asking for help when I need it. I’ve found in my circle that so far, we’re up and down at different moments of the day—so in those up moments, we can remember to reach out to somebody who may be down. That’s what you can be doing with the working parents on your team and in your life. When you’re up, check in with them. They may be in a good spot and you can have a laugh with them, like I did on the day my girls drew magic marker beards on their faces while I was on calls. And when they’re not up, you’ll be giving them the much-needed acknowledgement that what they’re doing is hard, but it can be done.
While this all feels endless, it is truly temporary.
