Clear is the new pretty

I received a beautiful compliment a few days ago and I’ve been thinking about it non-stop.

A new-ish client of mine had a few questions and she asked if we could jump on a quick call (outside of our regular session time) to discuss them.

Extra calls in between sessions are not included in my coaching program. I offer email support and Monthly Office Hours as a way to answer questions that fall outside of session time.

In my nearly nine years in business, this has come up a lot. And like most boundary setting exercises – this simple request has been a complex journey for me.

In the past when I’ve taken the call, in the name of over-delivering, the meeting is not brief and it in essence becomes a session. A session that I’m not being compensated for.

Full transparency – in these moments, I’ve felt resentment bubbling up within me.

It’s the same resentment my clients feel when people ask them for time to “pick their brain” on topics that are directly related to their expertise and their means of making a living.

When you’re a generous, giving human, it’s hard to say no. It just is.

That’s why, I don’t say no. I give options that work for my time and what I know it’s worth.

I responded back to the request, “Feel free to send your questions within an email or come into Office Hours on Monday where you can get answers from the group. I don’t jump on additional calls in between sessions.”

This brings me back to the best compliment ever.

In our next session, my client said “Thank you for your note about the extra call. You modeled what kind, clear boundary-setting looks like. And I needed to know that was possible.”

She tapped into something so important to me. The thing that gets me over the hurdle every time I still writhe in setting the boundary.

How am I ever going to coach clients on identifying and honoring their own boundaries if I am ignoring mine?

I’m holding my lines AND I’m sharing what it looks like to do so.

Not everyone will be this open and receptive to your boundaries – and that’s ok.

You should expect mixed reviews of agency and self-advocacy in our Patriarchal hustle culture. That’s not your problem, nor is it your responsibility to convince them of anything.

But the feeling of my clarity inspiring someone I admire to stand in her power is a lasting gift reminding me of my gratitude for this work.