Every time I mention that NYC in spring is my happy place, my friends with allergies give me a look of horror. So, respect and compassion for those of you who are suffering right now. The beauty and the beast of being in nature in this moment is one of those reminders that both things can be true. 

On my daily walks in Prospect Park, when I’m not chatting with a buddy, I’m listening to another group of close friends, advocates and guides. Yeah, well, they don’t know me, but I do find them to be heart-filling walking companions. 

You know I love to share my picks for mind-expanding podcast episodes…so here are some from the last few months. Put them on your listening list and let me know what you think! 

The Ezra Klein Show: The Quiet Catastrophe Brewing in Our Social Lives

This conversation powerfully pulled together the threads of so many challenges of our time. Pervasive loneliness. The unworkability of the nuclear family. The deprioritization of friendships and leisure time. It puts into words why making the tough choice to pursue city life for the long haul has been the right one for me. As someone who struggled with isolation and depression in early life, I know I’m a better human when I’m with my people. A lot of them. And this deep dive offers many ideas that may have been behind that gut instinct. 

Maintenance Phase: Doctors Have A New Plan For Fat Kids

If you’re as angry as I am about the recent release of the new (horrific) American Academy of Pediatrics Guidelines around “obesity” in children–recommending restriction and counseling for kids as young as 2, medication for tweens and (WTAF) Bariatric Surgery for kids as young as 13–please, listen to this incredibly thoughtful breakdown of the guidelines and who they serve by Fat Activist, Aubrey Gordon and her co-host Michael Hobbes. 

Full Plate: Body Shame and the Whiteness of Wellness with Jessica Wilson

In the background of my work, I’ve been breaking up with diet and wellness culture. More on this in a future newsletter. Abbie Attwood’s podcast, Full Plate, has been one of the important resources for me in this journey. This episode with Jessica Wilson, RD was an incredible shift in the conversation around how anti-fatness, diet and wellness culture intersect with white supremacy. As I came to see my own participation in diet and wellness culture as upholding oppressive systems–it was the final nail in the coffin leading me to my own unlearning. Highly recommend Jessica’s book, It’s Always Been Ours, I listened to the audiobook in a day. Incredible and juicy storytelling. (Imagine an entire chapter about a GOOP conference!) 

Wiser Than Me: Julia Gets Wise With Jane Fonda

Where are the voices of older, wise women? That was exactly the question Julia Louis Dreyfus asked after watching a recent Jane Fonda documentary. So she decided to create a new podcast where she interviews women over 70. And I’m so glad she did! I love being reminded of how this older generation of women paved the way for so much of the activism we’re a part of now . While there’s still A LONG way to go to get to equity their stories bring to light how far we’ve come. 

Armchair Expert with Dax Shepherd: Rick Rubin

Full transparency–this is one of three interviews I’ve listened to with Rick Rubin after the release of his book (which I’m now reading and loving): The Creative Act: A Way of Being. The book title says it all about Rick (we’re tight now). Curiosity, openness, awareness, availability, playfulness–they are a way of being for him and it completely makes sense how he–as a music producer–can jump to every single genre there is–and find something to like, to love and create. Some of his philosophy harkens back to one of my favorite books about creativity, Liz Gilbert’s Big Magic. Somehow, I feel protective of Liz and want to give her credit for getting there first (again–she and I are for sure friends in an alternate universe), but when I back down from my mama bear-ness, I want to continue to swim in the world that both of these brilliant thinkers depict where creativity is about openness, readiness and opportunity that EVERY human has to notice cool stuff in the world. 

There were so many more shows that didn’t make the list so if you’re hungry for more audio content, hit me up for suggestions! 

Happy listening and transforming everyone! 

Last month, on a Tuesday, I had a scary morning. 

I came in from the (very short) morning walk with my dog, was about to prepare breakfast for myself and I took a sip of water. I felt some pain while drinking. Head rush. Grabbed the wall. 

The next thing I remember, I was sitting on my kitchen floor in a pool of spilled water, with my 14 year old daughter, Jane, asking me, “Are you ok? Do you know that you fell?” 

I came to… in shock, surprised to be sitting. Surprised to have no memory of what just happened. 

Jane led me to the couch where I slowly came back to myself. 

For the next hour, I started every sentence with, “I’m fine.” Which is pretty weird when you’re asking someone what they want for lunch. 

My plan: move through the day as if nothing happened. I mean. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. 

I had several important meetings including kicking off a new group I’m leading with 11 accomplished and talented women. 

I decided to reach out to my doctor more for “a heads up” and for validation of my decision to forge forward with these mission critical meetings. 

That’s not what I got. 

She urged me to go to the ER to be checked out. The fact that I lost consciousness for a bit and that this had never happened before was enough for her to be concerned. 

My gut reaction: this is overkill and I don’t have time for this today. 

I called my brother in law who is an MD. Again, his response was the same. This is serious and you need to be seen. 

The seriousness of all the medical people started  to get me spooked, but I still felt a complete, full body resistance to walking away from my commitments. 

Then finally my neighbor and close friend gave me the reality check and tough talk I needed. 

Everyone will understand. You need to make yourself a priority. This is the most important thing right now. 

I canceled everything. 

Every single person on the other end showed up with compassion and warmth and understanding that I was doing the right thing. 

My friend walked me the two blocks to the hospital and the whole experience took 3 hours (happily several hours shorter than I imagined). 

And I was ok. A vasovagal response to the pain while drinking the water. That’s fancy medical terms for fainting. 

As I rested the rest of the day and evening, I didn’t shame the part of me that wanted to push through. That’s the culture we live in. I’m sure I’m not alone in this response and I want to believe that next time I will make a different choice as soon as something comes up. 

What I have been thinking about the most are my people. If you know you’re someone who will just push through–surround yourself with people who will not allow it. Who will help you choose yourself. 

From my family, to my friends to my business partners–everyone guided me and cleared the path for me to show up for myself. And I walked away both grateful and knowing of the kind of family, friend and business partner I want to show up to be. 

At the beginning of my work with each private coaching client, we discuss how they want their entire life to look – so we can fit the right kind of career into that life.

We talk values – in essence they create a personal compass to finding a path that’s on their terms.

AND…I share the mindset shifting tools they will need to keep their mental health intact during this exercise in resilience building we call...the job search process.

Job searchers who gain momentum quickly appear to have these things in common:

• They are having many proactive networking conversations.

• They are experimenting with multiple paths.

• They are applying to and interviewing for multiple opportunities at one time.

• When they don’t get the role, they focus on the fact that it was not a fit and they move on.

• They do their best to get invested enough to interview well without falling in love.

• They cultivate a detached optimism that avoids the lowest of lows and highest of highs.

• They maintain a steady, calm presence.

• They believe it’s possible.

If that’s you, great – you’re on your way.

If that’s not you, I see you and I can assure you, you’re not alone.

You care. You’re working your ass off. This is a top priority for you. I get it.

I'm here to tell you: your results mean nothing about your WORTH. As an employee. As a human.

I work with clients to remind themselves of their worth before and after job search activities in small and impactful ways. For example:

Before an interview…

They use visualization and proactive mantras that remind them of who they are, regardless of whether or not they get the job.

After an interview…

They take time for a compassionate debrief where they notice their wins, some areas to tighten up for the next interview – and remember – they will be ok no matter what.

As with all personal and professional development, cultivating this detached optimism mindset is a practice, and you will not get there 100% of the time. That said, I know when clients see growth in this area – many of the tactical components of the search seem to naturally come together.

Welcome to Part 4 of our Proactive Job Search Series. If you’ve missed Part 1, Part 2, or Part 3, you can find them by following those links!

In this last part of our series, we’re discussing how you know when your proactive approach is working. 

Finding a job is a long (typically 3-6 month), multi-step process. 

If we only celebrated the win of getting the actual job, we would NOT make it through the entire process intact. 

There are small milestones (that are actually big milestones) we can check off our lists and small wins (again, truly transformational wins) we must honor along this journey. Are you picking up what I’m putting down here? 

No incremental step forward in this proactive approach should be underestimated as small.

These are seismic shifts that lead you to a different kind of career and life – one that is on your terms and designed by you. 

Here are 10 of the hundreds of shifts along the way that I celebrate with clients…

1. When you invest the time to think about and write down the work you enjoy doing and what you’d like to learn. 

2. When you’re clear on your superpowers and the unique value you can bring to an organization and your work. 

3. When you can talk about your superpowers. Out loud. With another human. 

4. When you do the research on salaries of employees with similar skillsets and expertise and you decide you will ask for AT LEAST that amount. 

5. When you write an elevator pitch that feels so very you and when you share it with people they say…”Damn…you really know who you are and what you want!” This actually happened with a client on call the other day! (Get my Elevator Pitch templates here!)

6. When your network is sending you the right kinds of roles and making very relevant introductions for you. You’ve been so clear with them that they know how to help! 

7. When you have your first interview in 5 years and it wasn’t perfect, but you got a few solid answers in and…you didn’t die. 

8. When you don’t get the role you were interviewing for, but they say they want you to apply for other roles at the company. I promise, they DO NOT need to say that and WOULD NOT if they didn’t believe it. 

9. When you feel like you’re meeting interesting and talented people in the process with whom you want to continue to be in touch. 

10. When you feel momentum. You’re getting the right kinds of meetings. You’re confident in how you’re telling your story and your intuition tells you, you’re getting close. In my experience, clients often want to be cautiously optimistic at this moment, but their intuition is usually correct. If it’s not the role in front of you, it’s on its way. 

Now, of course – for most of my goal-oriented clients – the new job is the SUPER WIN. And they get there, sometimes in the 3 months we’re working together and sometimes after. 

Yet with all of these micro wins (that are really macro) along the way, they feel changed by the time they get to the actual J-O-B.

They’ve claimed their power. They feel agency in their decision. They are ready to expand into this change with courage, as they are. 

If you’re someone who considers your network to be teeny tiny or if you’re asking the question – what the f*ck is a network – you’re not alone. There is still time to build one so that you can be proactive about your job search or building a career on your terms.

You may not have a network if you:

Are a recent graduate and early on in your career.

Have worked for a single company for your entire career.

Have worked for companies and institutions that are more focused on jobs and tasks rather than relationships

Haven’t had time for conversations outside of work and family relationships.

Recently moved to a new town or city.

Wherever you are is a fine place to start. Self judgment or a focus on what you “should have done” is not helpful for moving forward.

We start with compassion.

So take yourself off the gazillion job postings and let’s focus the time you DO have on building out your professional network.

If you have a small network, here’s where to start:

1. Connect with your alumna networks from the schools you’ve attended. Do they have local in-person or virtual events you can go to? Are there other alumni in your field who you can connect with on LinkedIn or for a coffee?

2. If you have kids in school, get to know the other working parents. What do they do? Where do they work?

3. Find a networking group or meetup that relates to an interest or part of your identity. For example, I have clients that belong to local working mother groups or groups for marketing professionals or teachers. Also, some of my Queer clients belong to LGBTQ+ professional groups like Out Professionals or Lesbians Who Tech.

4. Find one or two people who are connectors (like me!). There may be someone in your life who LOVES to bring people together, make introductions and play professional matchmaker. Have a chat with this person and see who else they may be able to introduce you to (people in your industry, at companies that interest you, who’ve made similar transitions). These are what I call high impact conversations because you walk away with 5 or 6 new introductions. FYI – this is part of what I offer clients when they’re working with me. I like to introduce them to people within my network who are often very generous with their time (Thank you, network!).

Once you have spent some time expanding your network, then I would begin applying to roles that are connected to these people within your new and growing community. #teamYOU

Next week, in our final email of the Proactive Job Search Series, we’re going to discuss small wins and how to know when you’re making progress – before you actually land the new job.

As I mentioned last week, my approach to job searching is proactive! Here’s a reminder of what I mean by this AND if you didn’t get to read last week’s blog post, you can find it here.

A proactive job search is…

When you define your terms and priorities, then you network to find companies and roles that align with those terms. You build relationships at those companies – so when they have the right role that’s a fit for you – they think of you and consider you above other candidates. At a more senior level, it often looks like organizations creating the right role for you (yes!).

Last week, I focused on the steps to take when you think your search will be at least 6 to 12 months away. That seems like a lot of time, but there are absolutely actions you can be taking and people you can be connecting with so that your search feels more (dare I say) leisurely and actually like making new friends.

This week, we’re switching gears to talk triage mode.

How do you navigate a proactive job search when you’re in an active and immediate search. Like, you need to find this new gig yesterday and the days are rolling on.

When time is of the essence, I recommend you:

Stay close to your core skill set.

Look for roles that are closely connected to what you have done in the past and use this pivoting opportunity to focus on companies that have a culture that’s better aligned with your values or a leader that ranges from neutral (read: not an asshole) to inspiring. Ideally, there would be a few new areas to learn that will keep you hungry and engaged in the role. It’s wise to think about a path that is an exciting bigger shift in your longer term future. Yet, it’s ok to say, “not now” to that path if you’re prioritizing speed.

Turn the volume WAY UP on networking.

The low key, casual approach we discussed for a search that’s 6-12 months out no longer applies. Create a list of your ten target companies and network your ass off to get to know people at those organizations. Meet with the connectors in your life who can set you up for additional conversations at your target companies or companies like them. Drop your search and your elevator pitch into conversation AS MUCH as possible. I mean, when you see people, you talk about it. Don’t miss out on those opportunities to network where you are.

Only apply to roles when you have a contact.

While it will feel tempting and productive to apply to roles online where you don’t have a contact, your time is better prioritized networking or finding a connection for roles where you feel like you have a solid chance at breaking through. I often say, applying for the role cold, without a contact is a path to despair. And I don’t want that for you.

Of course this all works when you have a network you’ve been cultivating and nurturing throughout your career. But, what if you don’t? I’ve had a few clients come to me recently in this predicament and we need to approach the proactive search with a different spin.

Interested in learning more about becoming a private coaching client? Schedule a free consult with me HERE.

Stay tuned for when I cover what you do when you don’t have a network, next week!

I talk a lot about a “proactive job search.” So, what does that even mean?

Here’s what it’s not…

Applying cold to job postings where you don’t have a contact.

Only focusing on opportunities that come to you via recruiters, colleagues and your well meaning family who collectively have no idea what you do.

Instead, a proactive job search is…

When you define your terms and priorities, then you network to find companies and roles that align with those terms.

You build relationships at those companies so when they have the right role that’s a fit for you, they think of you and consider you above other candidates. At a more senior level, it often looks like organizations creating the right role for you (yes!).

Sounds simple and, yes, it’s an approach that takes time. Yet – it delivers results and careers that are on your terms, in your words, designed by you. Think meaning, fulfillment, agency.

In this four-part email series, I will be addressing:

1. What to do when your search is 6-12 months away

2. How to proactively search when your timeline is immediate

3. What to do when you have a tiny network

4. What does progress look like?

Ideally, you want to get ahead and start connecting with people when the transition is just a sparkle of an idea that seems far off in the future. Frankly, it’s never too early to start connecting with your network – and you should be doing it even when you’re content in your role.

So, that’s where we’re starting in our series.

If your job search feels at least 6 months to a year out, here are some of the questions you can ask yourself…

1. What do I want to learn in my career? (hint: what feels energizing to learn rather than what feels like a “should’ or “have to.”)

2. Who do I know who does some of what I want to learn in their past or current roles?

3. What companies do I want to learn more about?

4. Who do I know at these companies that I can connect with?

5. Who do I know who can connect me to people at these companies?

6. Who are my mentors and advocates who want to help me?

Now, do a brain download of all of the people who come to mind. First on a piece of paper and then, if you’re anything like me, you’ll feel discomfort until you wrangle these contacts into a spreadsheet.

Start reaching out to the folks on the list with a target of setting up 1-2 meetings a month. Always have a goal for your conversation and think about who these people might be able to introduce you to. I also recommend having your Elevator Pitch at the ready so you can be clear and concise about what you need and how they can support you!

At this point, you’re looking to continue to expand your network and get closer to the answer to question number one. What do I want to learn?

I highly recommend finding an accountability partner who has a similar timeline - feel free to forward this email to them! Set up monthly conversations where you can discuss the meetings you’ve had, what’s currently scheduled for the coming month, what’s coming out of these chats and what dots you’re connecting about what could be next for you.

And, of course, if you find yourself needing a bit more support and guidance don't hesitate to schedule a complimentary Clarity Call with me to learn more about my private coaching options.

In next week’s blog post, I’ll talk more about the scenario of when you find yourself in an active job search and you’re looking to switch from a reactive to a proactive approach…at lightning speed!

After 7+ years in business, I’ve figured out a few things that make me my best boss ever.

1. I don’t schedule zoom meetings before 10 am.

2. I make time for coffee dates, walks and lunches with friends during the work day.

3. I say no to opportunities with organizations and individuals who ask me to turn myself into a pretzel to be their facilitator or coach.

The first two are pretty straightforward, energizing for me and also may not be everyone’s jam.

It’s number three that I find to be the most universal. I’ve solidly stepped into this practice within the past year and I’ve never felt more free. So, let me explain.

I offer specific coaching programs and signature talks on my website and in my potential client calls. I’ve developed these offerings after a rigorous process of identifying where I add the most value, how my clients and I can co-create magic and what gets my clients their best results.

Every so often, a potential client will ask me to radically change my offer, give them a different rate or only focus on the very tactical parts of the process.

I completely understand why they would ask. I’m all about advocating for what you need.

In the past I would have tied myself in knots and gone for it, even though the pit in my stomach was saying, “Oh hell no.”

A fellow entrepreneur friend and I now affectionately call these “Pretzel Requests.”

Somehow the imagery has helped me confirm my gut feeling and confidently go with the no.

It sounds like, “I’ve found that this is the structure where I can deliver the most value to my clients and it gets them the best results. If you’re looking for something else, we may not be a fit.”

I know I’ve made the right move every time the full body relief washes over me. It renews my confidence and belief that I can be who I am and run a successful business. In fact, the more I say no to Pretzel Requests, the more right-fit requests seem to show up soon after.

So the next time your boss, client or partner asks you to be a contortionist to do your work, think about how you can say no to Pretzel Requests in your own worthy way.