In my groups and 1:1 coaching, one self-shaming statement comes up over and over again…

I’m [insert any age from 20 to 100] and I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up! 

That’s typically followed by…

What’s wrong with me?

Why am I so behind?

What if I never figure it out? 

Here’s today’s truth bomb:

You may never figure out what you want to be when you grow up. 

Boom. I said that 🤷🏻‍♀️

That very statement implies there’s only one thing you’re meant to do! I call BS. 

You may not have a “calling” AND you can still enjoy your work. You can learn and you can feel good about your career and your life. 

So, if I told you, the lightning bolt may not hit you and that it feels more like a small spark that slowly grows and grows into a fiery, flickering flame anyway…

What would you do differently? 

What would you experiment with?

What would you leave behind? 

If you feel like you’re ready to figure out how to start paying attention to those itty bitty sparks already burning within you, reach out to schedule a 30-minute complimentary clarity call or CLICK HERE!

We discussed mindset shifting tools in my group coaching program this week. I like to dive into this topic early in the process because it’s often mental blocks that are keeping us stuck, rather than more tactical things like resumes and interview skills.

One of my favorites in this set of tools is forgiveness.

Identifying areas where you may be holding shame and offering up acknowledgment and compassion and forgiveness.

I often talk about how this shame showed up for me when I knew I wanted to make a change while in my marketing roles, but felt like I should stay in a safe, flexible role because I had two small children. I stayed in an “it’s fine” career for too long, even while I hungered for a change.

The truth is that this feeling of career shame wasn't new to me. I felt it even before I had a career.

College was not an easy time for me. I struggled to find my way. I transferred after two years, switched my major FIVE times and nearly took time off after my junior year. Finally, I decided to identify my easiest path to graduation and took it--rather than spending the time expanding my mind, learning, growing and challenging myself to think in new ways about what was possible for my future.

I held onto tremendous shame about this period of my life for many years.

Feeling like I squandered an opportunity.

Like I wasn’t smart enough or built for grad school.

Like I learned in pockets here and there, but don’t remember much.

After some deep work thinking about that kid I used to describe as flailing…

I now see her as a human who was grieving.

As you may remember, my parents died in a car accident when I was nearly 12 and while college came several years after this loss, I see now with adult eyes--I was in acute grief, untethered and in survival mode.

I did the best I could. So did all of the grownups surrounding me who were also grieving.

Would I do things differently with my own kids? Absolutely. I would love them where they are. I would advocate for their mental health needs knowing that achievement and credentials can wait. And that’s how I continue to re-parent that part of me.

I acknowledge her struggle. I show her forgiveness and compassion and love. I cheer her on for trying new things where she’s not an immediate expert. I remind her that lifelong learning is what keeps my mind active and alive. I can both fill in some of the gaps of what I may have missed and learn new skills that weren’t even invented at that time.

I can also be grateful that she/I prioritized putting one foot in front of the other in that tough moment. That I got the support I needed. That I was optimistic more would open up for me after graduation. And it did.

What shame are you holding onto in your career and in your life?
Where can you show that younger you some acceptance of her humanity? Some love? She’s ready and willing and very curious about what may come next.