Goodbye, January 2022!

I haven’t been this happy to release a month since March of 2020. 

Emotions ran high. PTSD from early pandemic days loomed large. Decisions became impossible to make, to get right and to stand by. 

I drew my energy and my peace from my new daily writing practice (I passed my one month anniversary!), my work helping more women identify and claim their career desires (we just wrapped an exciting 4-week group program), our family Wordle competition (That somehow my 10-year old is winning. I want 10-year old neural pathways!) and of course, you know me…my podcast addiction. 

Here’s a round up of podcast episodes that are giving me the tools and the inspiration to keep moving forward and doing my best despite the big expectations I had for 2022. 

The Happiness Lab: Stepping Off the Path of Anxiety
https://www.happinesslab.fm/2022-new-year-mini-season/stepping-off-the-path-of-anxiety

First of all, I recommend the entire 2022 mini season that dives into the tougher emotions we don’t like to recognize or talk about like anger, anxiety, grief. In this episode, Dr. Laurie Santos talks with Psychotherapist and meditation teacher Andrea Wachter about tools to acknowledge and quiet anxiety. Have a notebook handy for this one. I listened to it twice! 

On Being: Pico Iyer and Elizabeth Gilbert - The Future of Hope 3
https://onbeing.org/programs/pico-iyer-and-elizabeth-gilbert-the-future-of-hope-3/
This is part of a 4-part series of conversations around hope and I’ve enjoyed all of them. Having experienced the loss of her partner, Raya Elias, in 2018 Liz Gilbert connects lessons of surrender she learned from this loss to similar insights during the pandemic. I always find wisdom in Liz’s vulnerable observations and clear words that capture our humanity. 

Dare to Lead: The Great Awkward
https://brenebrown.com/podcast/the-great-awkward/

Brené always knows how to name the things none of us want to say. She and her sister Barrett discuss what “going back to the office” will look like and how inevitably it will be different than it ever was and we should expect it to be awkward AF. 

PS. This was the last episode Brené released before announcing she would hold off on releasing episodes until further notice. While she didn’t say it, this is clearly in response to Spotify continuing to give a platform to Joe Rogan and others who are spreading misinformation. Way to use your expertise and power to make change and stand in your values, Brené! 

CYG: Grief Companionship

https://www.callyourgirlfriend.com/episodes/2021/10/29/grief-companionship

This conversation is from the fall of 2021, but I thought it was so relevant as so many people are grieving both the people they lost in the past two years and also all of the things we’ve missed out on because of this damn pandemic. We have so little language and conversation around grief and this episode provides really practical things you can do for your people who are suffering alone right now. 

Pop Culture Happy Hour: Wordle is a daily dose of delight, despair, and sometimes smugness

https://www.npr.org/2022/01/24/1075352735/wordle-is-a-daily-dose-of-delight-despair-and-sometimes-smugness

For those of you who didn’t think you could create a new daily habit…you were wrong! If you’re like me and you haven’t missed a day since you started playing…I see you. This is some Worldle Nerdery that will make you smile all the way through. 

Enjoy this list and let me know some other favorites of yours that are getting you through! 

Quietly listening and wordling,

Rachel

Whether you're in a career transition, a new role, leading an awe-inspiring project that secretly makes you want to throw up from all of the responsibility it brings, or in the middle of a sudden crisis—one thing is clear—in order to get to the other side, you're going to need support. It's clear to me because I've been both the giver and receiver of that help and I know how I thrive on both ends, but I see many of my clients struggle with the smallest of professional asks. 

Do you writhe in discomfort when you are faced with asking for the following things?

• Introductions to hiring managers in your target companies
• Quick conversations with former colleagues who have interesting roles you might like
• Chats about your consulting services to see if they may fill a need
• Time with a mentor who has the most seemingly busy life you could imagine, but always finds a way to inspire you with five minutes of satiating wisdom

To quote Helen Keller, "Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much." You can only get so far with simply your own perspective, your own expertise, your own knowledge and your own relationships. In order to push the boundaries of what you can create for your life, you must ask for help. And I have good news for you. People want to help! If that's the case, what's really stopping you? Here are the questions I ask my clients to help them work through whatever is blocking them from asking for support. 

1. What's the worst thing that could happen?
Often clients have a breakthrough (and a good laugh at themselves) after just this question. The fear that is stopping you feels so strong and paralyzing and when you look at the worst-case scenario, it sounds like this: "He won't write me back." Yeah, and…can you handle that? How many people have not emailed you back or answered your LinkedIn requests before? Have you been able to move on from it? Can I get a "Yes, many and yes?" When that happens, you brush yourself off and ask someone else. People are busy. They go on vacations. They experience crunch times before a deadline. If they don't write you back, it's most likely not about you and they may get back to you a month later. 

2. How do you feel when you are asked? 
If you're anything like me, you feel honored to be asked for support and you feel good about yourself when your help makes an impact in that person's life. If a request comes in during a busy time, I make sure I tell that person to make it as easy as possible for me to help—whether it's writing an email that I can forward to someone or meeting me for a coffee close to my office. In remembering how you feel when you're on the receiving end of a request, you can better imagine that the person on the other end of your ask may be feeling the same things you do…instead of all of the nasty things your mind is saying about you right now (that we'll discuss in #3). 

3. What do you think asking for help says about you?
I'm needy. I don't have my shit together. I'm flakey. These are a few of the common answers I hear to this question. Let me make an important distinction for you. If you dump a problem on someone (who is not in your inner circle) without a specific request in mind, you could be perceived in all of those ways I mentioned. But if you have identified something you want, found a person who may have it and reach out with a specific request that is easy to complete—you appear to be someone who is quite the opposite of that needy, flailing person. You are focused and actively engaged in making choices that will change your life—and in the process you're reconnecting with people you respect and admire. Reframing is your friend, friends. 

Of course, when you get to the conversation or when you get the job, express your gratitude to the helpers in question. Notice how they feel about what they did and if they comment on how it felt to be asked. Often you will find that they are impressed with the initiative you took and the thought with which you put into the request. File this comment and that feeling away for your next ask. It will be your first line of defense against the writhing that comes along with not doing it all yourself. 

You officially put 2016 (a whopper of a year) to bed with the raucous bang it deserved.  Your goals are set. Your plan is mapped. Your desk is organized and neat and hungry for the powerful action 2017 will inevitably bring.  

There’s one monumental thing you forgot—and in my experience it’s this thing that is the magic that successfully moves people from Point A to Point B, or more realistically—Point A to Point A.1 to Point A.2 and so on. This magic is your team! 

Your team should include all of the people who already support you, cheer you on and motivate you right now--in an informal way. Now we’re going to make it official and specific. You won’t need to draw up contracts or roles and responsibilities documents, and there won’t be money changing hands, just some coffee, wine or a meal on occasion. You will ask for their help by acknowledging their meaning and the special role they play in your life. Yes, deep, but we don’t build powerful, lasting relationships without going there. And in 2017, we’re going there! 

Modern wisdom (or perhaps it’s age-old wisdom that’s new again) tells us that when we seek a life partner, we can’t expect that person to fulfill our every need. I like to apply this filter to my team. To live a powerful life that I create, to be a leader—I’m going to need a lot of support to get there. The open job recs are vast, so let’s identify the needs before we fill the roles. 

2017 Career Support Team

1. Person to make you laugh when shit hits the fan
2. Subject Matter Expert in your field 
3. Someone in your industry, at your level AND who actually cares about your day to day minutia
4. Guru who has navigated his/her career with impressive wisdom
5. Unconditional loving person who will just let you talk
6. Unconditional loving person who cuts off your talking to push you to go deeper 
7. Running partner
8. The one who sits with you when you cry
9. Childhood friend who can cheer you on by telling you that you’ve always had this in you OR that you’ve come such a long way
10. The one who will drop everything and play hooky with you to see a movie 

Your list will look different than mine, of course. 

And before you fill the roles, let’s be clear who SHOULD NOT be on the list. I see clients mistakenly looking to these people for support and as a result, they end up feeling frustrated and depleted. 

2017 People Who Love Us But Don’t Overtly Support Us

1. The person who feels threatened by you (for reasons that are not about you)
2. Negative friend or family member who constantly challenges your actions
3. The person who wants you to play it safe because he/she is scared for you or for both of you

What I find comforting about this short list of people—is that just because they may not support you in taking on some of your goals, it doesn’t mean you need to discontinue your relationships with them. Often times these people are a part of our families, and that’s simply not possible. We CAN change our expectations about these relationships. Perhaps you do more listening to help them in their lives instead of sharing important areas of your life that you know they will not support. You are staffing up with that first list of people, so you don’t need support from this group of people who can’t offer it to you. 

The funny part about this process is that when you are steadfast in driving toward your goals, getting support where you need it and thriving—some of those people who were once negative turn a corner and begin applying for roles on your team. It’s truly wild, but can happen. 

Now that you’ve outlined all the critical roles for your 2017 Team, have fun with your recruiting conversations! Make sure you respect the time of your people, but also don’t fear reaching out. They want you to succeed as strongly as you do—and they will hold you accountable where you, yourself cannot. I was proud to be on the team for many of my friends who were killing their careers in 2016 and was beaming with each achievement. New non-profits created. Documentaries completed, sold and winning awards. Podcasts started. Powerful work-life balance choices. Life is much more full and fun when we’re in it together. And what a relief it is to know that we’ve got our people lined up for the not-so-fun parts.