I'm not that great a runner AND I ran a marathon. I lost my parents early in life AND I'm a damn good parent. I once had a boss who asked me to sign his divorce papers as a witness on week one of the job AND I went on to have a powerful experience in that role (despite his boundary-free antics). 

With all of these experiences, I chose a story of resilience. I believed I could—and that brought me half way to my goal. 

Resilience is to 2017 what Emotional Intelligence was to 1995. We can't stop talking about it. In their book, Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience and Finding Joy, Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant have propelled the conversation and the concept of resilience to the masses with practical tools to face challenges through Sheryl's relatable and honest story of loss. 

In reading Option B and the many articles to follow—I'm reminded of how critical it is to cultivate resilience during your job search. Many clients come to me feeling hopeless in their search. They feel they'll never get a job, or they'll never find one that excites them. 

And then I see it happen over, and over again. A job description that is the near exact role envisioned in the first session with me. A fascinating conversation with a former colleague. Interviews where they walk out feeling ALIVE. An offer that comes through within a week—after months checking in on other potential opportunities. 

I'm fortunate enough to see things turn around in an instant for multiple clients, so that's my reality and the perspective I bring. I know that even when it seems like it's time to give up and you should take that job that is a replica of the last job you hated—there's something that can rock your world, just days away. 

Here's how you can bring the spirit of resilience to your search:

1. Faith
Have faith in yourself and your ability to work through this. If this is your first time going through something hard, consider yourself one of the lucky ones. If you've been through a few shit sandwiches before, have faith that whatever got you out of those will get you through this time of uncertainty. The more you believe, the more confident you will be in the world. Confidence attracts opportunities. 

2. Willingness to learn
Treat this time as a chance to optimize your interview skills. Hone in on your message and gain clarity on how you want to present yourself. The more often you're able to practice throughout your search—the better you get at authentically promoting yourself. Also—this a time to learn patience—something that can come in handy in all of our relationships and in your next job as well! 

3. Channel Your Strengths
What were the qualities that got you out of the last rough time in your life? How can you use those things in your search? Are you a master organizer? Create a spreadsheet that will be your command central for your search. Are you the comedian in your group of friends? Use your humor to break the ice on interviews and when networking. Are you a great listener? Make someone feel like they just had the best conversation of their life by asking great questions and truly listening. 

The good news is that even if you've been glass half empty about your search—there's still time to turn it around. If you don't believe any of these things will help because you're doomed to fail, try at least one of these resilient tweaks as an experiment. What do you have to lose? 

This July marked one year since I've been tracking my family's income and spending through an online tool that I adore – You Need A Budget or YNAB to aficionados, like me. Go ahead and congratulate me--it's my YNAB-iversary! For those of you who are unfamiliar with YNAB, it's a tool that you can use to forecast how you will spend and save all of your money and then reconcile your actual spending against your plan. 

To me, this anniversary represents the end of many lifelong destructive habits:

Excessive spending, light years beyond my means.

Retail therapy to make up for dissatisfaction in other areas of my life.

Fully handing over the reigns of my finances to someone (my husband) who would just "take care of it." 

Avoiding online accounts and paper statements for fear of what they would reveal. 

Arguments with my husband about what "we could afford" when neither of us were grounded in the data. 

Reacting to large annual bills as if they were a crisis and not something we knew happened every year. 

I knew I would never be able to run a successful company with this approach to personal finance—and I meant business when it came to my business. 

Time to transform my financial life. 

While I was still in the clouds about our personal finances, I was kicking ass with my business finances. All expense, projection and invoice i's dotted and t's crossed. That was the evidence my husband and I needed to agree that I would take over control of our finances COMPLETELY – paying bills, projecting earnings against expenses, becoming the point of contact for our accountant and our financial advisor and most importantly for us—budgeting and reconciling our budget against actuals with YNAB. 

I'm not going to lie--getting started was a daunting task. I quickly realized I couldn't do it alone, so I hired a Money Coach/YNAB expert to get us up and running. Within three months we exploded passed the learning curve and into a place of financial control. We're still at the beginning of our journey paying off our IBAR -- Invoices For Blessings Already Received (a.k.a. debt—thanks for the new lingo Kate Northrup!) and investing at the level we want to be—but we're no longer operating out of a stressful, needless crisis-mode. We know what we have. We know what we need. We know what we want AND we know what we need to bring in and spend in order to have what we want. What a difference a year can make! 

If you've talked to me for more than 15 minutes in the past year, I've probably already talked your ear off about the impact this shift has made on my life—but to crystallize it for the two or three of you who haven't had this conversation with me…yet…here are the top four things that I've learned. Hopefully they will inspire you to get grounded in your own financial life! 

1. Data without judgment = freedom
Here's where I tell you, if I can do it—so can you. Let's just say when I was telling one of my besties about my recent financial enlightenment, she took in the gravity of my life change by saying, "You were always good with money. I mean, you were always good at SPENDING it!" As I was grounding myself in the numbers, I was forced to look at all the mistakes, the years of overspending, the IBAR and all the choices without judgment. I chose to say, "This is where I am. It doesn't mean anything about me. This is my opportunity to learn how to nail this—just like I've done with so many other things in my life." Removing the negative force field, freed me to take leaps I never thought possible. 

2. Detailed tracking makes room for big life changes
Why now, you ask? I was in the middle of a multi-year career transition. I wanted to leave my digital marketing income behind, but I had no idea what I needed to bring in with my new-ish business to do that. I could have assumed I needed to make exactly what I was making in my previous career, but instead—by working the numbers and making some lifestyle choices, I was able to leave that job earlier than expected. When clients come to me feeling overwhelmed by the thought of a career transition, one of the first exercises I advise is to "know your numbers." What do you really need to bring in to meet your responsibilities to your family? With some optimizing, the number may not be what you think and you may be able to make the switch sooner. 

3. My life feels like my own when my spending matches my values
Because I'm a coach (and lifelong self-improvement junkie), I check in on my core values regularly. For example most recently, I've identified mine as community, connection, courage, inspiration and peace. In her book, Money: A Love Story, Kate Northrup asks readers to compare their spending against their values to see where they are in sync and where they are completely off. As I continue to view my spending with this filter in mind, my life feels more like a set of my choices—based on what I want it to include. We're not fully there, but I no longer spend on things because it's important to other people. If it's not a priority for me and my family—we don't choose to spend money on it. 

4. If my daughters learn alongside me—what a gift I can give them
Like nearly all of us, my family's story with money is complex. While many of my family members have imparted useful wisdom when it comes to making money, I wasn't explicitly taught how to save it or wisely spend it. Even as a lifelong feminist, somehow I always assumed that my husband would take on this job. With my two daughters, I want them to know the importance of financial literacy and independence. I let them take part in tracking our finances in YNAB so they see what funds are available to us and how we're choosing to spend. Occasionally, the topic of going out to eat will come up and my nine year old will say, "We should eat home instead because we only have $50 left in 'Dining Out' for this month." She says it with a casual Zen that reminds me we're truly doing this. I'm breaking a family and cultural cycle. I'm standing up for them to grow up knowing that financial control and freedom are possible, as individuals and as women. 

With all that I've learned, the habits I've changed, the life I continue to choose daily—the best part is my pride in turning the ship around. I did that! To be fair, I'm still doing it—but it doesn't make me any less proud. We're on an inspired financial path, with gratitude to a couple of great coaches, a cool tool that makes finance—dare I say—fun, an accountant who was as shocked as me to see my financial prowess evolve, and to everyone who's been willing to listen to my frequent reflections on my transformation this year. Here's to celebrating with a massage that will come out of my "Take Care of Me" line item!

If you're thinking of trying out YNAB, use my affiliate link on my Favorite Tools page!  

Over the summer months, many of us continue in business as usual mode with the same routines—reacting to our email and our calendars set by others’ agendas. We move along in our white pants and sunglasses, with one or two weeks of vacation thrown in for good measure. We often begin September feeling like summer came and went without much remarkable to differentiate it from the rest of our year, save some sweaty commutes and a couple of lovely beach days. Now with summer nearly half over (yes, startling, I know!), I’ve had some time to reflect and ask myself: 

• What am I planning to accomplish during this naturally slower paced time of year?

• Am I tracking toward achieving those goals?

• What will success look like? Will I feel I hit the mark as I regroup over Labor Day Weekend?

After I drop my girls off at day camp at 9 am, I wipe my brow and focus on these things that will make my summer months stand out as a short window of time with a big impact. 

1. Networking
Contrary to popular belief—summer is a fantastic time to reach out to former colleagues, contacts in your field, companies you’re interested in joining long-term—anyone who’s been on your “grab coffee or drinks” list for awhile. And if you don’t have that list, start creating it when you have some down-time (like right now!). The office has a natural slow-down feel while people collectively take vacation—allowing you to have more space to set up fun meetings to connect. Summer also brings out a more relaxed and open tone to these conversations that may not happen at other times of year. 

2. Planning
September through the end of the year is career and corporate crunch time. We’re tasked to: make or beat annual revenue, achieve or exceed professional development goals, spend all the money we were too busy or hesitant to spend throughout the year, and do everything we said we would do in January. By taking some of your summer hours to rework the plan, adjust the monthly targets and get creative about how to re-invest those extra dollars—you are setting yourself up for a fall where you can actually enjoy the changing of the leaves and get excited about the kids going back to school. 

3. Big Projects
You want to learn a new skill? Take a class. You want to write a short story? Block out the hours and write your first draft. You want to de-clutter the kids’ rooms while they’re at camp (very hypothetical, of course)? Get out those garbage bags and go to town. Choose one or two projects that you want to accomplish over the summer. They should be your top priority projects, the kind that when you visualize completing them—you get a physical feeling of relief. If you have ten big projects on your list for summer—go back and edit. Schedule the others for later in the year so you don’t simply cross them off the list. The goal here is not to make your summer chaotic and overwhelming—it’s to get something big and high priority accomplished so you feel like you took a leap in an area that’s meaningful to you. 

4. Vacation Strategy
I have already had my fair number of client calls this summer WHILE my clients were on vacation. They’re often doing some work while they’re out, but in most cases—not an overwhelming amount. Ironically, the fact that they’re not completely disconnected is stressing them out more than the work itself. For people with intense careers that they love, I like to flip the idea of vacation on its head and ask: What are the things you want to do this week that will make it feel like vacation? The answers may be read a novel, spend time with family, grill and eat dinner outside. Completely disconnecting may not be on the list—and that’s ok. Schedule those vacation gems in your days first and then if you need to check email once a day and take a couple of calls—make sure those things don’t interfere with your vacation gems. You get to create what a vacation means to you and once you do, you can use YOUR design as your go to approach. 

Most importantly—to make summer feel like a standout player in your year—make the most of these months by peppering your schedule with those summer-specific things that bring you joy. Outdoor movies and music. Rooftop bars with old friends. Playing hooky on a slow day without meetings. And of course, the beach. The beach. The beach.

I have two daughters who believe they can be whomever they want to be. I spend my days supporting women in the pursuit of their dreams and the shattering of glass ceilings. Yet much of my inspiration comes from early memories of my father conquering any obstacle with charisma, wit and unwavering will. While he wasn’t a feminist by any stretch, he believed in the power of his daughters and the world they were capable of bettering. I’m confident if he were here today—we would be having the open and often uncomfortable dialogue required for cultural and generational change. And that’s what it takes: an inclusive dialogue and a partnership where we’re walking forward together. We may not always be in lockstep, but we must understand that we’re never going to get to gender parity on our own.

Here are 4 ways we can include men on the path to advancing women in leadership. 

1. Make the policies more inclusive
Deloitte is ahead of the pack when it comes to policies with its 16-week leave. While it’s not the longest leave out there, the policy is the broadest in scope, allowing “men and women—to take up to 16 fully paid weeks off to care for a family member. This includes a new child, spouse, or aging parent.”* By making the policies open to both men and women around caregiving beyond children—the organization exponentially increases the impact of the program and most importantly the buy-in of leadership. According to The Wall Street Journal, the policy “has the potential to "normalize" caregiving, making it okay for single people, men, senior executives—anyone—to take a block of time off to care for an ailing family member or a new child.”** As employees of different ages and genders are able to leverage this opportunity, more will be able to take part in the vital ongoing conversation about the value this policy brings to both the firm and its employees. 

2. Invite men to the conferences, workshops and conversations
Because of my passion for supporting women in leadership, I go to a fair number of workshops and conferences about the topic. While I’m completely engaged in the content and the palpable inspiration of the speakers—occasionally, I’ll look around the room at the sea of professional women and think—we’re talking to ourselves and that’s why we’re not making any headway. I’m encouraged when I talk to women’s interest groups within Fortune-100 organizations about workshops and we both agree—the content and the spirit of the room MUST work for both men and women. The panel must be diverse in gender and race. The name of the workshop and the marketing materials must be inclusive. This sounds obvious, but I can assure you, it’s often not done—causing us to continuously recycle the same ideas within our closed circles.

3. Find senior male advocates and mentors
Just because you want to be an inspiring woman leader, doesn’t mean you must find all of your inspiration from women. I’ve built wonderful relationships with some of my male leaders throughout my career and they continue to show up for me with wisdom, support and connections within their respective networks. By continuing to seek out these male advocates, you’re including them in the conversation of what it can look like for a woman to lead, broadening their perspective of what’s possible, while giving them an opportunity to be a change-maker via their support of you and your career. If you position it that way, I promise they’ll want to join you for the ride. 

4. Empathize and educate
Men are our partners in moving toward gender equity in leadership and in pay. If we see it any other way, we lose traction and remain stuck. Quite frankly, those men who don’t partner up will be left behind over time—because the movement is hitting a tipping point…this is happening. In my practice, I see women who have been culturally indoctrinated to “want it all,” strive for perfection, feel plagued by guilt if they ever prioritize work over family—and willingly take on the role of CEO of the household. And on the flipside, men are faced with the pressure of provide or perish. Women want to have creative and exciting careers and men yearn to participate more in parenting. As women, if we can empathize with where men are coming from, the pressures they face and the distance they often feel from being able to engage with their families in a real and meaningful way—we can start from a place of partnership in our educating of each other on the costs of how we’re currently living. We can advocate for ourselves instead of stewing in resentment or complacency. We can ask for help, believe asking for help is a sign of strength and believe that the men in our lives are capable of providing that help. 

All of this said, I do live in a reality in which I know there are institutional biases firmly in place—but the necessary disruption begins with coming together, rather than fighting each other. I’m optimistic because I’ve seen this model work, and because women leaders and like-minded men are creating new institutions that will be this change we’re seeking. They will set the example. They will amplify their voices and their results, and those who are smart will listen. 

* Exclusive: Deloitte Enters the Paid Leave Arms Race With 16 Weeks of Family Leave on Fortune.com
** This new paid leave policy may be the smartest perk for families yet on WashingtonPost.com

A few years ago I found myself in a career rut while working in digital marketing. I had done all I could do to follow my own instructions from my post, Love The Job You're With. I was learning new skills and achieving improved results for the business, but something was still missing. I was hungry to do something completely new, after a long career with very similar roles. But what could it be? I was truly stumped. 

I decided to take a couple of career assessments to get me thinking in a new way. One of the assessments provided a roadmap of all the possible career paths best suited to my interests. Number one on the list—Career Coach! While I read my results with a healthy dose of skepticism, given my long career in Marketing (which was also on the list by the way), the idea resonated enough with me that I felt compelled to dive into a fervor of research in a short time. Within 24 hours I'd assembled a matrix of all the Coach Certification programs available in my area, my contacts that had gone through the various programs and the times of my calls to speak with them. The more research I did, the greater my conviction became. I quickly learned that my top choice program had a cohort beginning the following week. I wasn't expecting to be forced to make a decision this quickly about a size-able investment of time and money—and yet every cell in my body was saying, "You must do this!" I listened. 

I talked to my very supportive husband, my biggest advocate and cheerleader. "I know it sounds insane, but I feel like I need to do this. While I know it will be a lot of hard work, I know I'm up to it and I can't remember the last time I was this excited about my career and where it's going." This was a no-brainer for him. He agreed that not only did I need to do this, but in actuality, I'd been coaching my entire career—and this would make it official. 

My intuition was critical in moving me toward my current path of coaching and it continues to be my strongest driver in building my business. While I had some opportunities to hone my intuition in my corporate career, I found that it was not something that was often admired or respected, and in turn, I frequently kept my hunches to myself until they were validated with reams of data. It has taken time to unlearn this behavior and not only begin to reconnect with that intuitive voice, but also take risks in trusting it. 

I see this as one of the biggest challenges for my clients when they walk through my door. They come to me for advice, wanting me to make a slew of decisions for them and they quickly learn…I don't do that! My advice would come from my perspective and in coaching, I help clients tap into their own inner wisdom so they can find the solutions that are right for them. I find that when we are disconnected from our intuition, we're rudderless and stuck—looking to others to make decisions for us and following the paths of friends and family who have done the self-reflection that we have not done. In my practice, I help clients reconnect to their intuition so they can begin to experiment with trusting it and monitoring the results. 

In order to get a taste of how it works, you can try this exercise:

1. Close your eyes when you have five minutes of private, quiet time (even if you have to schedule it!). Say hello to your intuition. Acknowledge that you've neglected it lately. Take a deep breath and let your intuition know that you're open to listening now.

2. Every time you feel that strong gut instinct in your body, keep a journal (or note on your phone) of what it is, where you feel it and if you're going to follow it.

3. Try following it once a day for a week. Note the results in your journal. How did you feel when you followed your intuition?

All of this said, I think it's important to validate your intuition with data—and I continue to do this within my business. As an entrepreneur, I don't have time to do this for every decision. I have learned to go with my gut much of the time so that I'm constantly moving forward. While this may not be possible in many corporate cultures, there can be a balance where we practice leveraging this critical tool as a way to develop in our leadership and to grow in our expertise within an organization. As I develop my own intuition, I'm comforted to know I have an internal compass on which to rely—even in the most complex terrain. 

Whether you believe email is the enemy or you get a tingle with each chimey alert—or you consider it as over as the phone call—let me set the record straight. In professional life: email is still here, it’s important to do it well, but it shouldn’t rule your life or be your only communication channel. Here are some strategies I’ve developed over the years that I share in workshops with employees who are helplessly overwhelmed by this still critical information tool. 

1. Tone = Professional + Dash of Personality
When I review emails my clients send, I find they are often on opposite ends of the spectrum—from casual enough to be a text to so formal they seem robotic. Where you land on the continuum does depend on the corporate culture of your organization—so it will vary. When in doubt, I lean toward a mostly professional voice while adding in the use of contractions to tone down the formality. Most importantly, if you want your emails to be memorable throw in a nugget from your personal brand or a note of connection you have with your email receiver. This reinforces the relationship you’re building with this person and will make him or her more likely to respond. You’re appealing to your audience as humans and not simply someone from whom you need something. 

2. Clear Subject Lines Win Every Time
Remember those SAT Prep reading comprehension exercises where you had to find the main idea of a paragraph? It’s time to revisit that skill. You must be clear about what you need in the subject line, using it to highlight a tight deadline or action required. Also—if the conversation in a thread has evolved over the course of the back and forth—make sure that the subject line reflects the current email you’re sending instead of simply using the same subject line you’ve been using for weeks. Lastly, don’t send emails without a subject line. Just don’t .

3. When Angry: Save. As. Draft. 
Sometimes an email comes through that grabs you by the throat. Whether you’ve been blamed for something you know you didn’t do or it’s simply another request from that person who expects you to do her job again—DO NOT rage email a response. Instead of writing the email immediately, go take a walk. Run up and down 8 flights of stairs. Find a YouTube video of baby goats at a yoga class (which you should do anyway). If you must write the response as soon as you get it, do yourself and your company a favor: save as draft and then walk away for at least 15 minutes. Nothing good is coming of that immediate angry response. I promise you. Take it from someone who was reprimanded by her CMO for sending that email. All roads post-rage email lead to a dark place. 

4. Consider Your Audience
Even if you’re writing a similar email to many different recipients, do not simply cut and paste your email content and send. Think about your receiver. What level is she in the organization? How well do you know him? Do you have a hobby in common or a child the same age? Is this someone who requires data to prove out your assumption or is it someone who simply wants to be informed at a high level? An email to a senior leader should be short and concise, given the limited time he or she may have to spend on your email—where as an email with your day to day contact on a project can provide more detail. 

5. Formatting Is Your Friend
Back in my digital marketing days I worked with one colleague who sent me emails that were 5-6 paragraphs of running prose with at least 10-12 questions set within long-winded sentences. These emails made me angry. I still get angry thinking about them. Marie Kondo your emails, friends. If those flowery sentences don’t bring you joy, don’t write them and PLEASE don’t make others read them. Bold category headers, bulleted lists of questions, clear objectives, underlined deadlines—when I receive emails with these things, I feel safe. Like all is right with the world and I can accomplish anything. Don’t you want to make people feel this way?

6. Deadlines Motivate People
Oh I wish it weren’t so, but it is. Deadlines keep people in line, so if you are asking them to do something—you’re missing a NECESSARY step if you don’t include a deadline. Put the deadline in your subject line. Put it in bold, underline—or even red font within your email. If it’s a tight deadline—acknowledge it as such and invoke the name of the important person who is committed to all of you making this deadline. Agree to offer more time in the future and when it’s within your control, stay true to this agreement. 

7. Don’t CC The World
Get clear on roles and responsibilities for your projects and what the communication flow will be at the very beginning. When you cc a near nation-state, you raise the stakes on each email thread and throw off the productivity levels of people who did not need to be informed of every detail. What could have been a simple back and forth on logistics is now a keynote speech via megaphone. Why create this level of pressure where it’s not necessary to do so?

8. Two Words: Proof Read. Whoops, That’s One Word
This one bites me often, which is why I know myself well enough to hire a copyeditor (who was thrilled to get a shout-out in this post!) . Even though you’re working fast, you must read your email a couple of times (at least!), spellcheck, and make sure there’s only one space between each sentence (a pet peeve of mine). You don’t want to proof read for the first time after you’ve hit send and get the stomach pit! This is avoidable and while I don’t expect perfection—typos may be the thing that separate you and a competitor or a colleague who may be after the promotion you want. Proofreading takes one minute and it’s a minute very well spent.

9. Follow-up Separates The Leaders From The Rest Of The Pack
You may think you’re being a nudge, but many people actually rely on your follow-up. While I don’t recommend waiting for others to follow up with you as your queue to complete a task, I do acknowledge that the world in which we live often requires a second (or even third) email to convert a client, set up a meeting, or even prompt someone to meet their deadline. When you don’t follow-up, you leave opportunities on the table—and that’s not how we do things when I’m your coach. 

10. Amidst Confusion, Pick Up The Phone
After the 4th, 5th or 25th email back and forth on one topic, you may get a gut feeling to have a conversation or set up a meeting. Trust this instinct! Tone, intentions, and humor can be lost in a marathon email thread and you could save yourself and colleagues A LOT of time by picking up the phone and hashing things out in a 5-minute conversation. If you’re not making a phone call or setting up the meeting because you want to make sure decisions are documented, work through your challenges on the phone and then send a confirmation email of what you discussed to assure everyone is on the same page and you have the written documentation you need. 

For many of you with 5+ years of experience this will be a review and also a reminder of what to share with your teams who may not have the institutional knowledge of email etiquette and efficiency. If you’re at the beginning of your career, get some feedback on your emails from more senior members of the team. If you can get on the right track early in your career, think of the hours of time you can save for all involved. 

You’re exhausted. You’ve been in back to back meetings all day and you finally return to your desk only to get that stomach pang. It’s 5:30 and you’ve done NOTHING on your to do list. How did this happen? For working parents, this productivity fail can result in evenings where you’re more connected to your phone than your kids while they’re awake—and then signing on to start your workday again after they’ve called you back to stall their inevitable slumber for the fifth time. Not ideal for anyone who wants something resembling a life! 

If you want to get your work done during the day AND be present for your family in the evening, pay attention—I’m talking to you! Here are some strategies that work for my corporate clients who are balancing career and family. 

1. Take a proactive approach to time
It’s time to commune with your calendar. It’s not your enemy, it’s your solution to getting your priority projects accomplished. To take a page from my longtime guru on time and life management – Stephen Covey, put “first things, first.” I’ve listened to the cassettes (yes, I said the c-word!) of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People more times than I can count—and it’s the primary reason I’ve been able to incorporate a writing practice into my busy life of being a small business owner and a mom. Identify your priorities, values and mission in work and life and make sure your calendar reflects them! I sit down with my calendar a month at a time and schedule in writing time one to two times a week. Then I schedule EVERYTHING else around those dates with my laptop and favorite writing coffee shop. 

2. Your new mantra: “Do I need to be in this meeting?” 
Now that you’ve identified your priorities, use them as your filter for when you answer this productivity make or break question. Be ruthless in protecting your time and saying no to meetings where your intuition is telling you: 1) It will be a waste of time, 2) Your input is not needed on this topic 3) You can give an opportunity to someone on your team to lead. If you have a hard time declining, try my approach to using The Inspired No. As much as possible, question the need for a meeting. There are times where it is necessary, but often times we set up time with others simply to hold ourselves accountable to deadlines or doing the work. What other way can you hold yourself and others accountable? If you’re a leader, set the tone that questioning the need for a meeting is ok. It can become part of the culture so that as a team, you can help each other protect your collective time. 

3. Kill the meeting to prep for the meeting
This may be controversial and I’ll put out the caveat that if you’re rehearsing for a presentation or pitch—there is a need for practice. That said, we have gone completely overboard in our abundance of “meetings for the meetings” and more often than not it can prompt employees to experience everything ranging from disengagement to outrage. Instead, how can you use tools like Slack or even email to assign roles for meetings and get feedback from colleagues on how the work is progressing? In my experience, the meeting for the meeting often occurs when there is a gap in leadership on a project., assignments are organized by committee and there is much time hemming and hawing over who does what and how to proceed. If you’re experiencing that gap in leadership, consider this as an opportunity to step up and run the show. While it may seem like you’re taking on more when you do this, you’re actually saving time by providing clear direction and a structure for your colleagues—cutting down on hours of hesitation and second-guessing. 

4. Run meetings with military precision
Meetings should have rules. Whenever possible they should be 30 or 45 minutes, max. Everyone should arrive on time. If they don’t arrive on time, you don’t restart the meeting when they arrive. In addition to everyone knowing what the meeting is about (I wish this was a joke), there should be an agenda and pre-work that MUST be read prior to the meeting. Everyone should show up with a pen and notebook. Personally, I find laptops in a meeting distracting, but I know this is becoming standard practice. If you’re trying to create a culture where there are fewer meetings and you have only a few times where you gather with people in person, I do think pen and paper facilitates better team interactions and dynamics than a room full of laptops—but that may be a question of style. There should be a clear leader of the meeting who will keep the discussion to the agenda and capture interesting topics that are not on the agenda to revisit at another time. 

5. Delegate like a boss
You don’t have to do it all yourself—especially when you have employees reporting to you! I see many leaders with teams, still struggling with delegating and the costs are clear—overwhelm and a lack of growth. When you stay focused on the junior tasks that could be growth opportunities for your direct reports, you cut off your own opportunities to expand your skills and expertise—not to mention your chance of being promoted. Even if you don’t have a team, (with the support of senior leaders) gain some leadership experience by mentoring a more junior employee on a project you’re working on together. You can practice training employees, handing off tasks and letting go of control. These are all necessary skills to both protect your own time and move to the next level in your career. 

6. Leaders: create office hours
If you’re in charge of a team and you all sit together in a small space, you may be the one who can always answer that question or give advice or coach—at any moment in the day. It’s exhausting and you can end up feeling like your time is not your own. One way my clients are able to protect their time is by creating office hours 2-3 times a week and communicating that this is the time to come over to discuss something in person. If they come over for a quick chat at other times, it’s up to you to kick them out of your cube—in the most respectful way—and redirect them to your office hours. You may want to post your hours somewhere to give your team the visual cue. 

While I don’t recommend implementing all of these strategies at one time, pick one or two to experiment with and see how much time you can create in your day! Begin the dialogue with leadership around the way meetings are impacting productivity and engagement for the team. These habits are deeply engrained in corporate cultures and buy-in at a senior level is necessary to make a change. Most importantly, practice disconnecting from work during those pre-bedtime hours with family. I know I’m not alone when I say this is hard and I’m not always good at it (and I do this stuff for a living!). Keep at it, re-focus every day, and when your 2nd job—otherwise known as evening crazy town—is as ridiculous as it usually is, try laughing. It truly gets me through. 

Last week I broke all kinds of records in my business. It was impressive! I medaled in procrastination, laziness and even binge-watching. You're welcome, Netflix! I stared at a blank screen that taunted me into frustration and shame. Then, as the last hours of Friday afternoon ticked by, I reviewed my week's accomplishments and requested of the universe a do-over. Knowing that was not going to happen, I took a walk instead. While taking in the beauty of the trees in spring bloom and the familiar sites of my neighborhood, I took time to reflect on where it all fell down on what should have been a perfectly viable five-day stretch. 

Here's what I picked up on my wisdom walk that not only shook me out of my funk but also gave me the idea for this post—creative bonus! 

1. You dumped it, but that's ok.
It truly sucks when we brush up against our humanity. Just when we think we're changing the world, creating work that moves people, delivering projects on-time and on-budget, we fall. And it hurts. After my triple-medal week, I had to look at myself and say, "It was not your week. That makes you a human, not a bad human." Acknowledging your "failure" and going a step further to accept it, neutralizes the situation in a way that helps you move forward. It could even bring you into a moment that connects you with others, knowing that you can't be the only one who experiences productivity fails! 

2. Do something that brings you joy.
This is counter-intuitive. My first instinct was to punish myself and continue to stare at the blank screen while I dodged the barrage of self-directed insults. But, at my core, I'm all in on the "F it" approach to intuitive living. When something feels like a struggle, do what makes you happy and see what happens. While this method was not wholeheartedly appreciated by my loved ones during my high school years, my long-standing practice has served me well. When I set out for my walk, my senses were hungry. I took it all in and it was exactly the peace I was seeking. I was flooded with ideas and explanations that reconnected me to my path. 

3. What can you learn? 
Once I was in a more accepting place, I was able to turn my rough week into an opportunity to learn what works for me and what clearly DOES NOT. What was different this week that could have thrown me off my game? I was slowly getting over a head cold. I gave myself four days to heal and I was NOT budging after that. I had to get back to work, right? It was just a cold. Because I was sick, I also took a nearly ten-day break from exercise. This did not work for me! I needed my release for both my body and my mind. I would have changed the game for my week if I re-set expectations. If I admitted that I was still sick, rested more and walked instead of going for my run, I would have been able to at least move my body—rather than sparring with my blank screen. What was different for you and how can you turn your productivity-fail into the answers you need to keep you on track? 

Most importantly, for all of this to work you MUST believe you can get back at it with renewed fervor and momentum. You MUST deposit your unproductive week into a distant past and re-commit to the things you need to put in place in order to get back to work! I say this as I sit in my favorite writing coffee shop at my best writing time with my most effective caffeinated writing fuel. I threw everything I had at this morning so I could crush any lingering doubts. And that, my friends, is how it's done.