Taking control of your career starts with a seemingly simple question: What are the five non-negotiables you need to make this next role or portfolio of projects feel meaningful, successful, energizing…on your terms?

A few months ago, my client was approached for an opportunity in an adjacent industry - one that had never been on her radar. So, using the list of non-negotiables we worked on together to make sure the role ticked all her boxes, she took the interview.

She was VERY passionate about the impact she could make with this work and the growth opportunities for her career. Plus - with her newfound confidence, she negotiated a $50k pay bump from her last role. No big deal.

This is why identifying your non-negotiables is central to the Career Command Process - because it is critical to setting the tone for your next career chapter.

If you’re ready to claim what you want in a meaningful, energizing career,
I can help you...

• Find the inner clarity to understand your terms and what you want next.

• Craft the authentic words to describe you, your experience and why you’re the right fit for this energizing role.

• Take intentional action to strategically use the time you have, activate your network and go after that next role with a focused roadmap.

Let me help you take back control in your career.
Shift into finding work that works for you and the life you want to live.

Join me and your new squad of 15 driven, meaning-seeking women in my next cohort of Career Command: Four-Month Shift. Doors are now open - I’ll be sharing more widely next week so secure your spot now.

Join Career Command Now!

Plus - I have something free coming your way next week. Here’s a hint: It’s about the rules you’ve been following for your career. It’s about the way we often don’t question those rules. It’s a juicy topic that I KNOW will get you thinking and rethinking, because…it’s my job to get those wheels turning.

While this moment in the pandemic feels different everywhere in the country and in the world, right now, in New York City we’re beginning to breathe out again.The number of covid cases in schools is coming down. The hospitals in the city are not reporting overwhelm. We’re not hearing about new cases every day. Or at least not multiple cases per day!

There’s a lightness that’s creeping into our tightly wound bodies.

The people in my circles and the women I coach are lifting their heads up with the question…

What’s that you were saying about starting 2022?

Oh yeah, it’s a new year. I had plans. I had goals.

Then my priorities changed in an instant. I focused on what was in front of me.

And now I’m ready to say all those things I want out loud again.

I want to think about what’s next in my career.

I want something that’s “for me” in my life. Not for my partner or my kids or my parents.

One of the best ways I know to get momentum with these changes you want to make in the new year is to….

Talk to other humans.

Start with your close-in people. Branch out to your wider network. Be clear about who you are, what you want and where you need help.

Now if this first step is feeling hard. If you feel like you have no idea what to say. Or if you’re dreading those four words, “Tell me about yourself.”

I got you.

I hear this All. The. Time. That’s why I created the Nail Your Elevator Pitch Mini Course.

With the Mini Course, you will create a memorable and authentic pitch that sounds like you, feels energizing and activates your network so they can help you with your next career move.

The course includes:

⚡️ Five short videos that walk you through:

...A welcome and setting you up for success

...Identifying your strengths

...The strategy and approach to writing your pitch

...The formula for 3 different types of pitches based on YOUR situation

...Getting into action with your pitch (How to start using it in networking)

⚡️ A workbook where I provide my specific formulas and provide examples so you can write the first drafts of your pitch!

ALL FOR $60!

Add a 45-minute 1:1 pitch feedback session with me for $125 and you’ll have a powerful positioning relaunch for $185 all-in. 🔥

Here’s the link to go get that course so you can be fully guided and supported in moving through this critical career shift step: rachelbgarrett.com/pitch

I’ll see you in our feedback session!

I have two daughters who believe they can be whomever they want to be. I spend my days supporting women in the pursuit of their dreams and the shattering of glass ceilings. Yet much of my inspiration comes from early memories of my father conquering any obstacle with charisma, wit and unwavering will. While he wasn’t a feminist by any stretch, he believed in the power of his daughters and the world they were capable of bettering. I’m confident if he were here today—we would be having the open and often uncomfortable dialogue required for cultural and generational change. And that’s what it takes: an inclusive dialogue and a partnership where we’re walking forward together. We may not always be in lockstep, but we must understand that we’re never going to get to gender parity on our own.

Here are 4 ways we can include men on the path to advancing women in leadership. 

1. Make the policies more inclusive
Deloitte is ahead of the pack when it comes to policies with its 16-week leave. While it’s not the longest leave out there, the policy is the broadest in scope, allowing “men and women—to take up to 16 fully paid weeks off to care for a family member. This includes a new child, spouse, or aging parent.”* By making the policies open to both men and women around caregiving beyond children—the organization exponentially increases the impact of the program and most importantly the buy-in of leadership. According to The Wall Street Journal, the policy “has the potential to "normalize" caregiving, making it okay for single people, men, senior executives—anyone—to take a block of time off to care for an ailing family member or a new child.”** As employees of different ages and genders are able to leverage this opportunity, more will be able to take part in the vital ongoing conversation about the value this policy brings to both the firm and its employees. 

2. Invite men to the conferences, workshops and conversations
Because of my passion for supporting women in leadership, I go to a fair number of workshops and conferences about the topic. While I’m completely engaged in the content and the palpable inspiration of the speakers—occasionally, I’ll look around the room at the sea of professional women and think—we’re talking to ourselves and that’s why we’re not making any headway. I’m encouraged when I talk to women’s interest groups within Fortune-100 organizations about workshops and we both agree—the content and the spirit of the room MUST work for both men and women. The panel must be diverse in gender and race. The name of the workshop and the marketing materials must be inclusive. This sounds obvious, but I can assure you, it’s often not done—causing us to continuously recycle the same ideas within our closed circles.

3. Find senior male advocates and mentors
Just because you want to be an inspiring woman leader, doesn’t mean you must find all of your inspiration from women. I’ve built wonderful relationships with some of my male leaders throughout my career and they continue to show up for me with wisdom, support and connections within their respective networks. By continuing to seek out these male advocates, you’re including them in the conversation of what it can look like for a woman to lead, broadening their perspective of what’s possible, while giving them an opportunity to be a change-maker via their support of you and your career. If you position it that way, I promise they’ll want to join you for the ride. 

4. Empathize and educate
Men are our partners in moving toward gender equity in leadership and in pay. If we see it any other way, we lose traction and remain stuck. Quite frankly, those men who don’t partner up will be left behind over time—because the movement is hitting a tipping point…this is happening. In my practice, I see women who have been culturally indoctrinated to “want it all,” strive for perfection, feel plagued by guilt if they ever prioritize work over family—and willingly take on the role of CEO of the household. And on the flipside, men are faced with the pressure of provide or perish. Women want to have creative and exciting careers and men yearn to participate more in parenting. As women, if we can empathize with where men are coming from, the pressures they face and the distance they often feel from being able to engage with their families in a real and meaningful way—we can start from a place of partnership in our educating of each other on the costs of how we’re currently living. We can advocate for ourselves instead of stewing in resentment or complacency. We can ask for help, believe asking for help is a sign of strength and believe that the men in our lives are capable of providing that help. 

All of this said, I do live in a reality in which I know there are institutional biases firmly in place—but the necessary disruption begins with coming together, rather than fighting each other. I’m optimistic because I’ve seen this model work, and because women leaders and like-minded men are creating new institutions that will be this change we’re seeking. They will set the example. They will amplify their voices and their results, and those who are smart will listen. 

* Exclusive: Deloitte Enters the Paid Leave Arms Race With 16 Weeks of Family Leave on Fortune.com
** This new paid leave policy may be the smartest perk for families yet on WashingtonPost.com

As I support more women in the throws of balancing teary morning school drop-offs with intense C-suite executive presentations and the dinner, homework, bedtime-pushback trifecta—it’s clear—flexibility is one ticket to keeping some semblance of sanity. But for the subset of women who love what they do, are loyal to their organization and are respected for their work, they often feel like the conversation around flexibility is the career kiss of death. This all or nothing mindset can lead them to keep pushing hard, ignoring the tug to spend more time with family, or completely give up on this seemingly un-ending, un-winnable race they’re running. They opt-out. Or they move to part-time schedules believing they’ve effectively put their careers into neutral. 

In her December 2016 Atlantic Monthly piece, “The Ambition Interviews”, Rebecca Rosen identified the women falling into these three groups as: High Achievers, Opt-outers and Scale-backers. In reading the article with my coffee one Friday morning, it dawned on me that our answers in learning more about the next phase of this conversation is within the experiences of this Scale-backer group. We have a lifetime of examples for how to be the hard-driving High Achiever group that staffs up with full-time plus help to make it work. We call those examples men. And on the flipside, women have been staying home or opting out of work since the beginning of women working. We know how that’s done. But it’s that middle group that we’re just figuring out. We don’t have clear role models or mentors for how to do this well without “burning the candle at both ends” as Rosen puts it.

Rosen states that the women in the Scale-backer group “… hadn’t lost their ambition; instead they’d changed the definition of the word. They saw that ambition takes many forms, only one of which is becoming CEO. While everyone may have started out with lofty career goals, many also had lofty personal goals; ambition doesn’t stay in a neatly contained career-goals-only box. Just as many of our classmates had previously aspired to be the best in their chosen field, they now wanted to be the best mother, the best partner, the best everything else.” 

While I see this to be true in some of my clients—with many others, I continue to see their ambition rub up against a resignation that flexibility removes the possibility of advancement—which is something for which they yearn. And it’s not about C-suite titles or recognition—it’s about involvement in strategic leadership decisions, building and mentoring teams and continued learning and growth opportunities. The question they ask is the one that’s currently on the table for organizational thinkers and leaders. 

Let’s stop asking how women can have it all. 

Instead ask, how can women continue to advance while maintaining flexibility and support? 

The answer, in a word is: Expertise. 

The women I’m describing have done incredible things. They’re attorneys creating unique ways to leverage the law to protect vulnerable populations. They’re award-winning social marketers. They’re IT professionals in male-dominated corporate cultures delivering top tier results. 

And yet they have temporary amnesia, resistance or just plain fear when it comes to promoting this expertise in their organizations—and leveraging it to gain both flexibility in a role and advancement opportunities. 

Developing a unique value at the organization and internally promoting the shit out of it, is currently your key to creating a happy union between flexibility and advancement in today’s workplace. 

I’m reading your mind right now. Why is this so hard? Why do you have to be an absolute rock star to go on a class trip without feeling like you’re running from the law? First, sadly many rock stars still have these feelings of guilt. But the truth is, my hope and life’s work is to be part of the change so that flexibility can be the rule and not the exception. 

Flexible workplace conversations are happening and employers are beginning to change expectations and support working parents—but change is slow to trickle down to most of the women in my circles. I believe it’s coming and will work toward that end—knowing how productive, engaged and excited my clients are about their careers when they get the space and support they need to succeed in both areas of their lives. 

For now, while we’re in this transitional moment in time, plant the seeds of your badassery often. Set boundaries early. Identify the three areas of flexibility that are most important to you (ie. family dinner 2x a week, doctors appointments, school drop-off 1-2x a week, etc.), and focus your message on those priorities. It’s up to all of us to stand up and advocate for the lives we want to live while the culture is changing around us. 
 

Photo Credit: Anthony Quintano

One day before International Women's Day and a planned women's strike, a bronze statue of a Fearless Girl appeared daring Wall Street's famous Charging Bull. She was fierce. She was bold. She was in charge. I shared her photo with my two daughters who instantly fell in love and kinship with this bronze girl who represented hope for them and their futures. The statue was perfectly placed in its temporary home by State Street Global Advisers to raise awareness of gender inequity on corporate boards. "Today, we are calling on companies to take concrete steps to increase gender diversity on their boards, and have issued clear guidance to help them begin to take action," State Street Global Advisors CEO Ron O'Hanley said in a statement. 

While this beautifully executed awareness campaign is one step in a larger movement to support women moving into senior leadership roles across the workforce, in my work on the ground with women leaders individually and within organizations, I continue to see a disconnect between words and actions. Employers want to help. They're putting new policies in place, but they're stuck in cultures that are slow to understand the levers that can make an impact and deliver on changes once they're understood. 

Based on the trends I see in my work with women, what makes them consciously choose to stay in junior and mid-level roles and what drives them to opt-out of the workforce altogether, I've highlighted five focus areas where employers can further support their female workforce and create cultures that are amenable to women rising to leadership roles within organizations. 

1. Support self-promotion and the development of personal brands
The high achieving women I see aced their academic lives. They graduated with honors from prestigious schools. In essence, they followed the rules. As many of us have learned, following the rules and doing good work is not what drives success in the workplace. It's part of it, sure, but there's something else that generally speaking—men do naturally and women loathe: self-promotion. Self-promotion has become my anthem when I speak of women in leadership. See my 5 Commandments Of Self-Promotion. It is imperative to plant the seeds of your great work early and often if you want to build a personal brand within and outside of your organization. In order to do this, employers can provide and support opportunities for emerging women leaders to attend conferences, speak on panels and present their work within the organization. Public speaking is a key component to most senior roles. Gaining practice and comfort with it early in a career, as well as leveraging the exposure of presenting as an expert, can become a solid infrastructure for success. 

2. Focus on long-term professional development
Many of the women I coach are hungry to learn new skills and are ready for new opportunities, but they fear having long-term growth conversations with their leaders. This leaves them to either stay too long in a role or begin to look elsewhere, which can be daunting when they have some flexibility in a company after a long tenure. Often times when they do have these conversations, they feel as if they've hit a brick wall. Many employers are focused on the needs of the here and now, the business goals of the current role—which makes sense given the intensive demands placed on organizations and leaders to perform. But—this approach produces creative stagnation and drives employee engagement to plummet. It does not prompt employees to want to grow within their organizations and it negates any vision they may have to rise to senior ranks. While I work with my clients to become leaders and drivers of their own careers, the culture of their companies plays a critical role in supporting this kind of thinking and growth mentality. People evolve and want to focus on their strengths and interests. Skilled leaders open the door to ongoing growth conversations and they think outside of their own project needs to include what's best for the employee overall. 

3. Take Unconscious Bias seriously
This one keeps me up at night. Often when women begin to advocate for themselves, speak up in meetings, provide feedback, act with the authority their titles should command, [insert any leadership quality here]—they are met with resistance, stereotypes and a backlash that would not be received by male leaders at their level. Women can build up their inner strength and confidence with a coach like me, but if they continue to hit walls within their companies, change will not be possible. Organizations like Google and Facebook are leading the way with "Unconscious Bias" trainings that are not only available to their organizations, but also publicly available so that other organizations can learn and implement a similar approach. As with any corporate culture shift, there must be senior leadership awareness and buy-in that bias is currently an issue and that it must be addressed with training and accountability for every employee. 

4. Create open communication about work-life balance
Find out what's important to your employee. Maybe it's being home for a family dinner and getting back online when the kids go to bed. Perhaps it's a no 9 am meetings rule. (Most working mom's have moved mountains at home and then added a commute on top of it to make a 9 am meeting). Or maybe it's the ability to completely go offline over the weekend. It's different for everyone, so it's important for employees to feel safe enough to discuss what makes life manageable and dare I say meaningful with their leaders so that they can come up with a plan that works for both parties. 

5. Build cultures where mistakes are possible
One of the biggest trends I see holding my clients back is perfectionism. The need to double, triple and quadruple check every minute detail can be the killer of both creativity and productivity. While I'm a proponent of high quality work, I see many women setting unattainable expectations for not only themselves but also their direct reports. These out of reach standards can lead to a hesitance in delegating tasks, keeping women leaders handling more junior level assignments instead of focusing on strategic initiatives that will keep them on the rising track. When employers create cultures that allow humans to be humans, flaws and all—employees have the space to move beyond the pressure and the perfectionism that keeps them running in place. 

While I work alongside many other coaches, organizational development professionals, writers, women's networking organizations and leadership institutes (and the list goes on…) in this march toward gender equality, there's a world of difference employers can make even beyond the longer Parental Leave policies they're beginning to implement. Parental leave is important, but it can't and it shouldn't be the only topic of conversation when it comes to a gender disparity in leadership. In kick-starting discussion around the above five points, you can make a difference. It may take a permanent installation of a fierce little girl challenging a bull that is five times her size to continue to make the point, but that's where we're at right now. So hands on hips, ladies, and let's do this thing. 

When I was pregnant with my older daughter, I knew I wanted to take six months off. I knew financially the six months was a beautiful gift for which we had saved and planned—but that I could not take longer than that timeframe. My income was a necessity for our family equation. I was prepared for this reality, but often lamented and shared with friends my sadness that I did not have the choice to stay at home full-time as my mother had. I had enjoyed a successful career in digital marketing, but the excitement for this next chapter, this chance to be a mom—something I'd dreamed about since being a child playing house—was my first priority and consumed my every thought. 

Then I gave birth to my daughter, my love, who came out of the womb with a big heart and a strong will. I adored my life of caring for this new and curious creature, but around month four, something unexpected happened. I yearned to talk to former colleagues about projects and have conversations that didn't include topics like the color of poop and the number of ounces anyone drank in one sitting. At a time I thought I would be mourning my dwindling leave, I was strategizing about the people I could talk with so that I could land a more flexible role. It was then that I realized that we are all wired differently, unaware of how we will react or the decisions we will make until living in and through a situation. And that's okay. I had to do what would be right for me as a mother. I needed to work and I also wanted to work. That was good information for me! What's critical is that I didn't make myself feel bad about my realization. I was going to be a happier parent if I was working. 

In my practice, I coach many clients who have made the opposite decision, taking a break from their careers when becoming parents. I admire and respect that they have made the decision that is right for them and their families. That said, I hear and see many of the challenges they face when returning. Some are internal challenges, yes—and after our work together—they kick those issues to the curb. But some are realities of our culture that they wish they'd known before taking their break. Even with this knowledge, I still believe this could be a viable option for you, but I want you to go in with the data and the understanding of what may be meeting you on the other end. 

So if you're thinking of taking a career break after becoming a parent, here are the things I'm compelled to share: 

1. Go beyond finances and consider your identity
Often I hear stay at home moms say something like, "It didn't make sense for me to work because my salary would simply cover the cost of childcare and we would break even." If you've run the numbers, that may be true in the short-term. We'll talk about long-term financial impact later, but for now it's important to note that pre-kids, much of our identity is interwoven with our careers. For many that have college and graduate degrees and then years of intense careers under their belts—bringing that path to a grinding halt can be traumatic, no matter how in love with their children they are. If you and your partner are making a decision to take a break solely for financial reasons, I would push you to consider how this will affect your happiness and well-being—given who you have been and your priorities to date. I would also suggest you work with a financial planner who can help you create a model that is longer term. You may be able to get creative and figure out a way to stay in the game in some way if that's what you desire. 

2. All or nothing are not your only options
While the fast and rigorous pace of your current role may not be what you want for when you become a parent—it doesn't mean there aren't other options out there for you. I went from working long hours at a fortune-100 company, to leveraging my most marketable skills three days a week for a non-profit. I eventually ramped up my hours, but for a temporary period while my kids were young, I was able to stay in the game, continue to learn and get paid what I believed I was worth. If your concerns are around, not being able to "do it all", let me put this to bed for you. You will not be able to do it all, no matter what option you choose. Flexible options are tougher to find, but they're out there and what's nice is that you can create them by leveraging the strong network you've built to date. 

3. Keep at least a toe in
Thanks to companies supporting women returning to the workforce sprouting up all the time, I'm happy to say the tides are turning. A career break on a resume is becoming more of an accepted and even overlooked phenomena. That said, companies are still looking to see that you were doing something professional during this break. Whether you're starting your own website or doing freelance writing or volunteering with the PTA—you'll do yourself a solid if there's something that can be added to this timeframe on your resume. More importantly —beyond your resume— doing something professional during this time will move mountains for your confidence and what I call your career mojo (that feeling you have when ideas are flowing and there's momentum on your career path). One of the first things I ask clients to do if they're considering a return to the workforce is to take on a project or some professional work to get their confidence and career mojo back. See my post – To Re-Enter The Workforce in 2017, Do These Three Things. 

4. Your lifetime earning potential will shift
According to Samantha Ettus, author of The Pie Life: A Guilt-Free Recipe for Success and Satisfaction, "18 percent of future earnings disappear if moms leave the workforce for a year, and that increases to 39 percent for two years, according to research…Most couples calculate the lower earner's annual salary compared to the annual cost of child care…The real equation is the lower earner's income from now until retirement, compared to five years of child-care costs." It's important to take a long-term view of the picture rather than a snapshot in time, the moment your child is born. A women's lifetime earning potential has become critically important as women are statistically living longer lives than their partners and are left to manage the household finances, requiring more money to manage their care as they age. As I've said, this does not need to be a deal breaker for you if your decision is to stay home, but it is good for you to know and weigh as a factor in your decision. 

5. Prioritize self-care and confidence
As moms, we're constantly doing for everyone else and making ourselves the last priority. As a result, many of the women I see are overwhelmed, exhausted and depleted. Often for stay at home moms, they can feel guilty for not bringing in an income so they feel like they need to be productive every minute of the day, constantly doing for the family -- which rarely includes care for themselves. As you may have experienced in certain times of your life, when you give up on exercise, mostly clean eating and doing the things that bring you joy or make you feel like you—your confidence can plummet. Taking steps to get support whether it's with friends or professionals, can be a huge part of bolstering your confidence. If you think you may want to return to work at some point, keep up with former colleagues and your network throughout your break. Feeling like you'll need to start from scratch when you return is one of the things that can keep you paralyzed during your search. 

Whatever you choose, it's important that you and your partner are on the same page, checking in with each other from time to time to see if your current arrangement is working for both of you and your family. If you're not open, resentments can and will grow. Know that returning to work after a break is absolutely an option. It simply takes some time, support, thoughtful vetting of the right next role and a belief that you can create your version of having it all.