Whether you believe email is the enemy or you get a tingle with each chimey alert—or you consider it as over as the phone call—let me set the record straight. In professional life: email is still here, it’s important to do it well, but it shouldn’t rule your life or be your only communication channel. Here are some strategies I’ve developed over the years that I share in workshops with employees who are helplessly overwhelmed by this still critical information tool. 

1. Tone = Professional + Dash of Personality
When I review emails my clients send, I find they are often on opposite ends of the spectrum—from casual enough to be a text to so formal they seem robotic. Where you land on the continuum does depend on the corporate culture of your organization—so it will vary. When in doubt, I lean toward a mostly professional voice while adding in the use of contractions to tone down the formality. Most importantly, if you want your emails to be memorable throw in a nugget from your personal brand or a note of connection you have with your email receiver. This reinforces the relationship you’re building with this person and will make him or her more likely to respond. You’re appealing to your audience as humans and not simply someone from whom you need something. 

2. Clear Subject Lines Win Every Time
Remember those SAT Prep reading comprehension exercises where you had to find the main idea of a paragraph? It’s time to revisit that skill. You must be clear about what you need in the subject line, using it to highlight a tight deadline or action required. Also—if the conversation in a thread has evolved over the course of the back and forth—make sure that the subject line reflects the current email you’re sending instead of simply using the same subject line you’ve been using for weeks. Lastly, don’t send emails without a subject line. Just don’t .

3. When Angry: Save. As. Draft. 
Sometimes an email comes through that grabs you by the throat. Whether you’ve been blamed for something you know you didn’t do or it’s simply another request from that person who expects you to do her job again—DO NOT rage email a response. Instead of writing the email immediately, go take a walk. Run up and down 8 flights of stairs. Find a YouTube video of baby goats at a yoga class (which you should do anyway). If you must write the response as soon as you get it, do yourself and your company a favor: save as draft and then walk away for at least 15 minutes. Nothing good is coming of that immediate angry response. I promise you. Take it from someone who was reprimanded by her CMO for sending that email. All roads post-rage email lead to a dark place. 

4. Consider Your Audience
Even if you’re writing a similar email to many different recipients, do not simply cut and paste your email content and send. Think about your receiver. What level is she in the organization? How well do you know him? Do you have a hobby in common or a child the same age? Is this someone who requires data to prove out your assumption or is it someone who simply wants to be informed at a high level? An email to a senior leader should be short and concise, given the limited time he or she may have to spend on your email—where as an email with your day to day contact on a project can provide more detail. 

5. Formatting Is Your Friend
Back in my digital marketing days I worked with one colleague who sent me emails that were 5-6 paragraphs of running prose with at least 10-12 questions set within long-winded sentences. These emails made me angry. I still get angry thinking about them. Marie Kondo your emails, friends. If those flowery sentences don’t bring you joy, don’t write them and PLEASE don’t make others read them. Bold category headers, bulleted lists of questions, clear objectives, underlined deadlines—when I receive emails with these things, I feel safe. Like all is right with the world and I can accomplish anything. Don’t you want to make people feel this way?

6. Deadlines Motivate People
Oh I wish it weren’t so, but it is. Deadlines keep people in line, so if you are asking them to do something—you’re missing a NECESSARY step if you don’t include a deadline. Put the deadline in your subject line. Put it in bold, underline—or even red font within your email. If it’s a tight deadline—acknowledge it as such and invoke the name of the important person who is committed to all of you making this deadline. Agree to offer more time in the future and when it’s within your control, stay true to this agreement. 

7. Don’t CC The World
Get clear on roles and responsibilities for your projects and what the communication flow will be at the very beginning. When you cc a near nation-state, you raise the stakes on each email thread and throw off the productivity levels of people who did not need to be informed of every detail. What could have been a simple back and forth on logistics is now a keynote speech via megaphone. Why create this level of pressure where it’s not necessary to do so?

8. Two Words: Proof Read. Whoops, That’s One Word
This one bites me often, which is why I know myself well enough to hire a copyeditor (who was thrilled to get a shout-out in this post!) . Even though you’re working fast, you must read your email a couple of times (at least!), spellcheck, and make sure there’s only one space between each sentence (a pet peeve of mine). You don’t want to proof read for the first time after you’ve hit send and get the stomach pit! This is avoidable and while I don’t expect perfection—typos may be the thing that separate you and a competitor or a colleague who may be after the promotion you want. Proofreading takes one minute and it’s a minute very well spent.

9. Follow-up Separates The Leaders From The Rest Of The Pack
You may think you’re being a nudge, but many people actually rely on your follow-up. While I don’t recommend waiting for others to follow up with you as your queue to complete a task, I do acknowledge that the world in which we live often requires a second (or even third) email to convert a client, set up a meeting, or even prompt someone to meet their deadline. When you don’t follow-up, you leave opportunities on the table—and that’s not how we do things when I’m your coach. 

10. Amidst Confusion, Pick Up The Phone
After the 4th, 5th or 25th email back and forth on one topic, you may get a gut feeling to have a conversation or set up a meeting. Trust this instinct! Tone, intentions, and humor can be lost in a marathon email thread and you could save yourself and colleagues A LOT of time by picking up the phone and hashing things out in a 5-minute conversation. If you’re not making a phone call or setting up the meeting because you want to make sure decisions are documented, work through your challenges on the phone and then send a confirmation email of what you discussed to assure everyone is on the same page and you have the written documentation you need. 

For many of you with 5+ years of experience this will be a review and also a reminder of what to share with your teams who may not have the institutional knowledge of email etiquette and efficiency. If you’re at the beginning of your career, get some feedback on your emails from more senior members of the team. If you can get on the right track early in your career, think of the hours of time you can save for all involved. 

During our family Passover Seder this year, my 9 and 6-year-old daughters took a break from the meal to play with their 4-year-old cousin in the living room of my in laws' home. The adults continued their conversation over the girls' chatter—until all of our ears perked up. With accurate detail, my older daughter provided her rapt 4 and 6-year-old audience with a description of the classic game—"Spin the Bottle." Clearly, we'd strayed slightly off topic from Moses freeing the Jews in Egypt. After our best wide-eyed emoji impressions, we discovered that she'd learned about this new and interesting topic from our quite mature, but human and flawed date-night babysitter. 

I knew I had to give our sitter some feedback in short order and it was not going to be the most comfortable moment for either of us. Root canal date, anyone? 

Effectively delivering feedback is one of the skills that separates the inspiring and motivating leaders from those who are simply managers. If it comes naturally to you, congratulations on being part of a very small group of feedback X-Men. For the rest of us, it takes tools and practice to feel like we're delivering a clear and useful message. Here's the approach I share with clients that will help you get your feedback practice up and running. 

1. Assume the best
Show up to your feedback conversation with the understanding that this is a smart, well-intentioned person who either made a mistake or could use some support in tweaking his/her approach. If you have some anger about the situation, work through it with a friend or expert before you have the conversation. If you lead with anger when giving feedback, you will prompt your receiver to jump straight to a defensive position—and little will be heard or effectively used to changed behavior. 

2. Believe they can succeed and let them know
Put your feedback in the context of your overarching relationship. For my sitter and me—I wanted her to know that I think she's doing a great job and that I trust her judgment with the girls. That's why I'm giving her the feedback. It's because she's good at what she does and I want to help her get better. The tone of the message is, "I'm telling you this because I care." 

3. Know why it's important to you
In order for feedback to stick beyond the incident in question, tie it back to a priority or value you hold dear. This will not only drive the point home for your receivers, but will also give them a sense of other areas in their roles that they should apply this same judgment call. By making it personal and relating it to something that's important to you, you're transforming this awkward moment into an opportunity to take a leap instead of a baby step in understanding each other better and deepening the relationship. 

4. Make it sound like you
Find your own voice. You can be tough and deliver a clear message without sounding like a drill sergeant. In fact, you will find it comforting in the conversation when you give yourself permission to lean on your strengths. If you're someone who uses humor to connect with people, find a way to bring that in. If you're a natural motivator, use that approach. The more honest and real you are when the message is delivered, the more open people will be to receiving it. 

The most important part of this framework is getting yourself out there to practice! You're not helping anyone (including yourself) when you're spiraling in your head (a very comfortable place for many of us). If you have a team and you want to begin your practice, I recommend starting with your star performers. Start with the folks with whom you know you have a good relationship and those who are already doing well—but like everyone they can continue to improve. You can even bring them in on the game. Let them know you're working on providing more feedback to members of the team and that they can let you know how it's working for them. By starting with some easy wins, you can walk into the more challenging feedback conversations with the confidence and calm of a well-prepared leader.

As my business grows, I continue to meet fascinating people experimenting with interesting ideas, events and opportunities. Whether it’s apps to help working moms feel like they don’t have to do it all, coaching programs with frameworks for women to define flexible careers, or career transition workshops guiding senior level women toward their next step—there are hundreds of people who share my mission and I’m hungry to meet them all. Because I’m a connector-type, this is one of my favorite parts of the job. Where it can get sticky is the next step—deciding which of these dynamic people or companies to move forward with in a collaboration and knowing which of these opportunities, committees or projects is going to make the biggest impact on my business—and be the wisest use of my most scarce resource—my time. 

In order to figure out how to move forward, I walk through the following line of questioning…

1. Does this align with my top three business priorities? 
2. Am I excited about this or does it feel like a “should?” 
3. Would I regret not doing this? 

Often after asking myself these questions—the opportunity falls into the “no” camp and I feel an instant sense of obligation to my new favorite person who will be receiving my “no.” I recall our dynamic conversation—our mind melding, our shared vision—and then I feel guilty, as if I am letting that person down. I have two choices—ignore follow-up emails that leave me with the stomach pit OR say no. 

In order to turn these feelings around, I ask myself, “If I say no to this project, what other exciting project can I say yes to?” 

And from this place of possibility, I’m reminded that “no” can be “no for now” and not “have a nice life!” 

Next comes the creative part. It is possible to say “no” and simultaneously make someone feel valued and supported and admired. I call it, The Inspired No. 

How To Write The Inspired No
1. Be upfront and honest that now is not the right time for this project. 
2. DON’T give excuses or reasons as to why. These feel empty and they are unnecessary. 
3. DO be open and detailed about how much you enjoyed the conversation you had and respect their mission and their work. 
4. Be clear that you’d love to keep in touch so that you can potentially collaborate down the line. 

The beauty of The Inspired No is that it communicates that you are authentically in awe of what the person is doing AND that you don’t need to be a part of it to be a fan. I’ve been amazed at the encouraging and gracious notes I’ve received back from my Inspired No’s—and the relationships that have been built when that door was left open to simply see what could happen. Most importantly, The Inspired No gives me another opportunity to celebrate the boundaries I set to build the business and life that’s right for me—while building a world of future co-conspirators in the process. 

Photo Credit: Anthony Quintano

One day before International Women's Day and a planned women's strike, a bronze statue of a Fearless Girl appeared daring Wall Street's famous Charging Bull. She was fierce. She was bold. She was in charge. I shared her photo with my two daughters who instantly fell in love and kinship with this bronze girl who represented hope for them and their futures. The statue was perfectly placed in its temporary home by State Street Global Advisers to raise awareness of gender inequity on corporate boards. "Today, we are calling on companies to take concrete steps to increase gender diversity on their boards, and have issued clear guidance to help them begin to take action," State Street Global Advisors CEO Ron O'Hanley said in a statement. 

While this beautifully executed awareness campaign is one step in a larger movement to support women moving into senior leadership roles across the workforce, in my work on the ground with women leaders individually and within organizations, I continue to see a disconnect between words and actions. Employers want to help. They're putting new policies in place, but they're stuck in cultures that are slow to understand the levers that can make an impact and deliver on changes once they're understood. 

Based on the trends I see in my work with women, what makes them consciously choose to stay in junior and mid-level roles and what drives them to opt-out of the workforce altogether, I've highlighted five focus areas where employers can further support their female workforce and create cultures that are amenable to women rising to leadership roles within organizations. 

1. Support self-promotion and the development of personal brands
The high achieving women I see aced their academic lives. They graduated with honors from prestigious schools. In essence, they followed the rules. As many of us have learned, following the rules and doing good work is not what drives success in the workplace. It's part of it, sure, but there's something else that generally speaking—men do naturally and women loathe: self-promotion. Self-promotion has become my anthem when I speak of women in leadership. See my 5 Commandments Of Self-Promotion. It is imperative to plant the seeds of your great work early and often if you want to build a personal brand within and outside of your organization. In order to do this, employers can provide and support opportunities for emerging women leaders to attend conferences, speak on panels and present their work within the organization. Public speaking is a key component to most senior roles. Gaining practice and comfort with it early in a career, as well as leveraging the exposure of presenting as an expert, can become a solid infrastructure for success. 

2. Focus on long-term professional development
Many of the women I coach are hungry to learn new skills and are ready for new opportunities, but they fear having long-term growth conversations with their leaders. This leaves them to either stay too long in a role or begin to look elsewhere, which can be daunting when they have some flexibility in a company after a long tenure. Often times when they do have these conversations, they feel as if they've hit a brick wall. Many employers are focused on the needs of the here and now, the business goals of the current role—which makes sense given the intensive demands placed on organizations and leaders to perform. But—this approach produces creative stagnation and drives employee engagement to plummet. It does not prompt employees to want to grow within their organizations and it negates any vision they may have to rise to senior ranks. While I work with my clients to become leaders and drivers of their own careers, the culture of their companies plays a critical role in supporting this kind of thinking and growth mentality. People evolve and want to focus on their strengths and interests. Skilled leaders open the door to ongoing growth conversations and they think outside of their own project needs to include what's best for the employee overall. 

3. Take Unconscious Bias seriously
This one keeps me up at night. Often when women begin to advocate for themselves, speak up in meetings, provide feedback, act with the authority their titles should command, [insert any leadership quality here]—they are met with resistance, stereotypes and a backlash that would not be received by male leaders at their level. Women can build up their inner strength and confidence with a coach like me, but if they continue to hit walls within their companies, change will not be possible. Organizations like Google and Facebook are leading the way with "Unconscious Bias" trainings that are not only available to their organizations, but also publicly available so that other organizations can learn and implement a similar approach. As with any corporate culture shift, there must be senior leadership awareness and buy-in that bias is currently an issue and that it must be addressed with training and accountability for every employee. 

4. Create open communication about work-life balance
Find out what's important to your employee. Maybe it's being home for a family dinner and getting back online when the kids go to bed. Perhaps it's a no 9 am meetings rule. (Most working mom's have moved mountains at home and then added a commute on top of it to make a 9 am meeting). Or maybe it's the ability to completely go offline over the weekend. It's different for everyone, so it's important for employees to feel safe enough to discuss what makes life manageable and dare I say meaningful with their leaders so that they can come up with a plan that works for both parties. 

5. Build cultures where mistakes are possible
One of the biggest trends I see holding my clients back is perfectionism. The need to double, triple and quadruple check every minute detail can be the killer of both creativity and productivity. While I'm a proponent of high quality work, I see many women setting unattainable expectations for not only themselves but also their direct reports. These out of reach standards can lead to a hesitance in delegating tasks, keeping women leaders handling more junior level assignments instead of focusing on strategic initiatives that will keep them on the rising track. When employers create cultures that allow humans to be humans, flaws and all—employees have the space to move beyond the pressure and the perfectionism that keeps them running in place. 

While I work alongside many other coaches, organizational development professionals, writers, women's networking organizations and leadership institutes (and the list goes on…) in this march toward gender equality, there's a world of difference employers can make even beyond the longer Parental Leave policies they're beginning to implement. Parental leave is important, but it can't and it shouldn't be the only topic of conversation when it comes to a gender disparity in leadership. In kick-starting discussion around the above five points, you can make a difference. It may take a permanent installation of a fierce little girl challenging a bull that is five times her size to continue to make the point, but that's where we're at right now. So hands on hips, ladies, and let's do this thing.