It’s been one long year. I know I said that (and we all said that) about 2020. And yet, rounding out year two of this pandemic has been overwhelming, disappointing, confusing, exhausting and all 83 of the other emotions and experiences Brené Brown writes about in her latest book, Atlas of the Heart. Damn straight I’m reading that right now--and I highly recommend that you do too to make meaning of this cluster of a year.

And yet still, I feel hopeful. Optimistic. Grateful for so many things in my life and work.

One way I find my way back to hope is to review my year and take an inventory of my moments of pride. Moments I’ve shown up for my people and my work, despite all the obstacles.

Of course, there are moments I could have done better. There always will be. I’m human after all. Yet focusing on these moments sends me spinning, rather than building momentum along my path.

So, here I am. Documenting my top five list of what I did well. And you can do the same as a reminder of all you’re capable of accomplishing...and being.

1. After four years of coordinating care for my Uncle Ray who struggled with Parkinson’s for over 25 years, I helped guide him through his last days listening to his favorite jazz tunes, hearing the words from people who loved him and receiving the best care possible to ease the transition.

2. Even with the experience and memories of my own fraught Bat Mitzvah that was just one year after I lost both my parents in a car accident, I supported, loved and cheered on my daughter through her Bat Mitzvah milestone. It was also complex with covid restrictions--and yet in some ways the intimacy and the sole focus on the ceremony made it even more meaningful.

3. I experimented with and launched new, lower cost ways of working with women to broaden my impact and serve more women whose careers suffered the most during the pandemic. It was out of my comfort zone to talk about what I do and sell my programs at this scale--and yet at the end of it were women getting new opportunities, claiming their worth, making more money and believing in the possibilities that were out there for them.

4. I created a podcast! A dream of mine for the past seven years. Yay!

5. I lived and parented another year in a pandemic, making hundreds of risk assessments every day, setting boundaries and sticking with them even when others didn’t like my lines. I advocated for my lines, worked hard to keep my family safe and jumped to get them vaccinated as early as possible.

I encourage you to make some time for this end end-of-year reflection and I’d love to hear more about your top moments of pride from 2021. Feel free to send me a note about what’s carrying you through the endlessness of this pandemic.

As my business grows, I continue to meet fascinating people experimenting with interesting ideas, events and opportunities. Whether it’s apps to help working moms feel like they don’t have to do it all, coaching programs with frameworks for women to define flexible careers, or career transition workshops guiding senior level women toward their next step—there are hundreds of people who share my mission and I’m hungry to meet them all. Because I’m a connector-type, this is one of my favorite parts of the job. Where it can get sticky is the next step—deciding which of these dynamic people or companies to move forward with in a collaboration and knowing which of these opportunities, committees or projects is going to make the biggest impact on my business—and be the wisest use of my most scarce resource—my time. 

In order to figure out how to move forward, I walk through the following line of questioning…

1. Does this align with my top three business priorities? 
2. Am I excited about this or does it feel like a “should?” 
3. Would I regret not doing this? 

Often after asking myself these questions—the opportunity falls into the “no” camp and I feel an instant sense of obligation to my new favorite person who will be receiving my “no.” I recall our dynamic conversation—our mind melding, our shared vision—and then I feel guilty, as if I am letting that person down. I have two choices—ignore follow-up emails that leave me with the stomach pit OR say no. 

In order to turn these feelings around, I ask myself, “If I say no to this project, what other exciting project can I say yes to?” 

And from this place of possibility, I’m reminded that “no” can be “no for now” and not “have a nice life!” 

Next comes the creative part. It is possible to say “no” and simultaneously make someone feel valued and supported and admired. I call it, The Inspired No. 

How To Write The Inspired No
1. Be upfront and honest that now is not the right time for this project. 
2. DON’T give excuses or reasons as to why. These feel empty and they are unnecessary. 
3. DO be open and detailed about how much you enjoyed the conversation you had and respect their mission and their work. 
4. Be clear that you’d love to keep in touch so that you can potentially collaborate down the line. 

The beauty of The Inspired No is that it communicates that you are authentically in awe of what the person is doing AND that you don’t need to be a part of it to be a fan. I’ve been amazed at the encouraging and gracious notes I’ve received back from my Inspired No’s—and the relationships that have been built when that door was left open to simply see what could happen. Most importantly, The Inspired No gives me another opportunity to celebrate the boundaries I set to build the business and life that’s right for me—while building a world of future co-conspirators in the process.