It’s been one long year. I know I said that (and we all said that) about 2020. And yet, rounding out year two of this pandemic has been overwhelming, disappointing, confusing, exhausting and all 83 of the other emotions and experiences Brené Brown writes about in her latest book, Atlas of the Heart. Damn straight I’m reading that right now--and I highly recommend that you do too to make meaning of this cluster of a year.

And yet still, I feel hopeful. Optimistic. Grateful for so many things in my life and work.

One way I find my way back to hope is to review my year and take an inventory of my moments of pride. Moments I’ve shown up for my people and my work, despite all the obstacles.

Of course, there are moments I could have done better. There always will be. I’m human after all. Yet focusing on these moments sends me spinning, rather than building momentum along my path.

So, here I am. Documenting my top five list of what I did well. And you can do the same as a reminder of all you’re capable of accomplishing...and being.

1. After four years of coordinating care for my Uncle Ray who struggled with Parkinson’s for over 25 years, I helped guide him through his last days listening to his favorite jazz tunes, hearing the words from people who loved him and receiving the best care possible to ease the transition.

2. Even with the experience and memories of my own fraught Bat Mitzvah that was just one year after I lost both my parents in a car accident, I supported, loved and cheered on my daughter through her Bat Mitzvah milestone. It was also complex with covid restrictions--and yet in some ways the intimacy and the sole focus on the ceremony made it even more meaningful.

3. I experimented with and launched new, lower cost ways of working with women to broaden my impact and serve more women whose careers suffered the most during the pandemic. It was out of my comfort zone to talk about what I do and sell my programs at this scale--and yet at the end of it were women getting new opportunities, claiming their worth, making more money and believing in the possibilities that were out there for them.

4. I created a podcast! A dream of mine for the past seven years. Yay!

5. I lived and parented another year in a pandemic, making hundreds of risk assessments every day, setting boundaries and sticking with them even when others didn’t like my lines. I advocated for my lines, worked hard to keep my family safe and jumped to get them vaccinated as early as possible.

I encourage you to make some time for this end end-of-year reflection and I’d love to hear more about your top moments of pride from 2021. Feel free to send me a note about what’s carrying you through the endlessness of this pandemic.

As a Career and Leadership Coach supporting working mothers in up-leveling leadership skills and managing career transitions, the week the Weinstein news hit was traumatic. Then the punches kept coming. Every day there were more sexual harassment, assault and rape cases revealing themselves—and the stories of cover-up infrastructure decades old were as crushing as the incidents themselves.  

Like Uma Thurman, I was angry. Every day I coach incredible women. 

Women who know well what it’s like to be the only woman in the room. 

Women attorneys who have created new areas of the law to protect underserved communities. 

Women who are self-taught technology experts. 

Women who are facing bias, discrimination and worse—that flies in the face of their ambition. 

Women who have all the skills, all the tools, all the expertise—but still don’t see themselves as leaders. 

After weeks of moving through empathy for the victims, reflection on the more than awkward moments in my own career, holding my clients’ challenges in my heart and reading every word on the subject, one Harvard Business Review article was tattooed on my brain—Training Programs and Reporting Systems Won’t End Sexual Harassment. Promoting More Women Will. The article revealed that while training programs and reporting systems are band aid measures, the research does not support their success in solving the problem. 

The only proven approach is in promoting women into the senior ranks. "Male-dominated management teams have been found to tolerate, sanction, or even expect sexualized treatment of workers, which can lead to a culture of complicity…Harassment flourishes in organizations where few women hold the "core" jobs. Fixing this is about finding power in numbers, not just in authority and hierarchy."

There it was. Through tears, I saw my imminent pivot before me. There was only one path forward. One mission. One 2018 Why.

GET MORE WOMEN INTO POSITIONS OF POWER. 

As I move into 2018 business planning and goal setting, all priority projects will fall under this umbrella.

I will begin to phase out programs and projects that no longer speak to this mission, this Why. My focus will be coaching and online programs that ignite women’s leadership skills, strengthening their belief that it IS possible for them to lead and have family lives they love—while drop kicking the idea or myth that women can’t and won’t help women. 

Helping other women will be part of my mission and all of my programs. 

The ONLY way we’re going to make this happen is by helping each other. 

So, in the spirit of helping each other—let’s get to work helping you Create Your 2018 Why. 

First off, what is it? 
Often called a "Why Statement" and popularized by Simon Sinek’s must-read bestseller, It Starts With Why. As Simon so eloquently puts it, "It is one of life’s greatest joys to wake up in the morning…every morning, with a clear sense of why that day matters, why every day matters. This is what it means to find your WHY." 

Your Why should bring you to tears. Now, I’m not saying I want you crying the whole damn day, but—I do want you to be moved by what you’re doing and your reasons for doing it. This emotion will propel you forward, keep you motivated and fill you with pride and gratitude for your contribution to the world. 

Why is it important?
Your Why drives your hunger to succeed and accomplish your goals. It also gets you through the tough parts of the work! When I’m dealing with technology issues or scheduling snafu’s with clients, I think, "Get more women into positions of power." And I redouble my efforts to work through it. 

It also lets people know how to help and partner with you! When you tell people your Why as part of your elevator pitch or simply standing in line at Starbucks (ok, maybe that’s just me!) people will be attracted to the emotion behind your Why and think about ways to be a part of your mission. 

How do I create it?
This will take some ever-illusive quiet time. Yes, it is possible to find this time and you must. I already feel the pressure you’re putting on yourself to find the answers in one sitting, you efficient type-A’s. Let me set expectations by saying, this could take awhile and that’s okay. The reflection is worth your time, no matter what you uncover. 

Ask yourself, the following questions:

1. What do I want?

2. What do I want for the people I love?

3. What do I want for the world?

4. Why do I want these things?

5. What is most important to me?

6. What do I believe with all that I am?

Read through what you have and let it percolate. Now, actively walk through your life with an openness, looking for clues to finding more of these answers. Talk about your evolving answers with people you trust and people who will be open to exploring what this means for you. 

When you come up with it—and it brings you to tears, let your Why be your mantra and experiment with it being your life’s organizing principle. The first year of my business, my Why was simply one word—growth. I had spent 16 years in one career and I felt like I was standing still for a long time. The idea of both personal and business growth lit me up. It helped me figure out what projects to say no to and how I wanted to organize my life. Whatever you come up with, let it be something that draws you to it, something that fires you up. Because you’re here to make shit happen, so let’s do this thing, 2018. 

In 2016, you did some powerful, courageous and generous things. You also did some stupid, petty and mindless things. I know this because I did too. 

You were empathetic. 
You were mean. 
You were present. 
You started every sentence in the hour before your child’s bedtime with “Don’t.”

Yes, we did that. 

Now, you have two choices about how to move forward. 

Option 1: 
Forget about all the times you nailed it and instead stew and ruminate on why you can’t seem to be a good wife, husband, leader, parent, daughter, son, caregiver or [insert one of a thousand roles you play on a daily basis]. 

Option 2: 
Acknowledge all the ways you kicked 2016’s butt AND all of the ways you failed/were human. Reflect and learn from both. Repeat. 

I know Option 1 sounds like a joke, but you’d be by surprised how many people close out every year by choosing it! When you do choose it, you bring all of that guilt and anger into your brand spanking New Year. As my best girlfriend from childhood would say, “That’s a lot of luggage!” You don’t want to drag an LV trunk worth of negativity into 2017! What a way to cancel out opportunities that await. 

Instead, I ask my clients to choose Option 2 and do this exercise to complete their year. 

1) Block out some quiet time where you won’t be disturbed. (Often the toughest part!)
2) Write a letter to yourself where you:

• Name your 2016 wins—big and small. Whatever is meaningful to you.
• Forgive yourself for things you wish you had done better AND for the things you wanted to do, but didn’t. 
• Be kind, be generous and be accepting of yourself. Treat yourself as you would a close friend or your child. Understanding. Loving. Laughing with instead of at.

2) Read it aloud.
3) Leave your luggage on the stoop. You need to make space for new, exciting and creative ideas, friend. 

Now that you've given 2016 a proper sendoff, add one New Year's toast to Option 2. Onward!