Every January and February, I work with clients to assess their current situation.
I ask the question, “How’s work working for you?”

The gut response is often…”I’m not sure...”

So we get more specific by answering the following questions - allowing my clients to get honest with themselves about what’s working, what’s not, and what actions they need to take next.

Growth:

1. Have you identified what you’d like to learn in your role?

2. And/or what would you like to learn in your career in general in the next year?

3. Are you on track to take on projects, attend workshops or participate in programs to help you get there?

4. What are your biggest obstacles to going after the growth you want?

5. What are you doing about those obstacles?

Energy:

1. What percentage of the time in your role are you feeling sparky, fully alive, in flow?

2. What are those things that make you feel sparky in your role?

3. Is there a way to do more of them or spend more time on them?

4. What are the things that are currently draining you in your role?

5. Is there a way to do less of them?

6. What would your work feel like if you could do more of the sparky things and less of draining tasks?

Life Fit:

1. Is your work aligned with your values?

2. What are your top life priorities right now? (Money you need to make, flexibility you need, etc.)?

3. Is your work in sync with your priorities?

4. Are you able to spend time with family and friends?

5. Do you have time for creative projects or the things that bring you joy?

Set aside some uninterrupted time to reflect on your own answers. And then, without judging any past decisions or current desires, ask yourself - how’s it really going? What grade would you give your current work situation? And if it’s a C or below…what do you want to do next?

Reach out to me at rachel@rachelbgarrett.com let me know what showed up for you and where you want to go from here!

Over the summer months, many of us continue in business as usual mode with the same routines—reacting to our email and our calendars set by others’ agendas. We move along in our white pants and sunglasses, with one or two weeks of vacation thrown in for good measure. We often begin September feeling like summer came and went without much remarkable to differentiate it from the rest of our year, save some sweaty commutes and a couple of lovely beach days. Now with summer nearly half over (yes, startling, I know!), I’ve had some time to reflect and ask myself: 

• What am I planning to accomplish during this naturally slower paced time of year?

• Am I tracking toward achieving those goals?

• What will success look like? Will I feel I hit the mark as I regroup over Labor Day Weekend?

After I drop my girls off at day camp at 9 am, I wipe my brow and focus on these things that will make my summer months stand out as a short window of time with a big impact. 

1. Networking
Contrary to popular belief—summer is a fantastic time to reach out to former colleagues, contacts in your field, companies you’re interested in joining long-term—anyone who’s been on your “grab coffee or drinks” list for awhile. And if you don’t have that list, start creating it when you have some down-time (like right now!). The office has a natural slow-down feel while people collectively take vacation—allowing you to have more space to set up fun meetings to connect. Summer also brings out a more relaxed and open tone to these conversations that may not happen at other times of year. 

2. Planning
September through the end of the year is career and corporate crunch time. We’re tasked to: make or beat annual revenue, achieve or exceed professional development goals, spend all the money we were too busy or hesitant to spend throughout the year, and do everything we said we would do in January. By taking some of your summer hours to rework the plan, adjust the monthly targets and get creative about how to re-invest those extra dollars—you are setting yourself up for a fall where you can actually enjoy the changing of the leaves and get excited about the kids going back to school. 

3. Big Projects
You want to learn a new skill? Take a class. You want to write a short story? Block out the hours and write your first draft. You want to de-clutter the kids’ rooms while they’re at camp (very hypothetical, of course)? Get out those garbage bags and go to town. Choose one or two projects that you want to accomplish over the summer. They should be your top priority projects, the kind that when you visualize completing them—you get a physical feeling of relief. If you have ten big projects on your list for summer—go back and edit. Schedule the others for later in the year so you don’t simply cross them off the list. The goal here is not to make your summer chaotic and overwhelming—it’s to get something big and high priority accomplished so you feel like you took a leap in an area that’s meaningful to you. 

4. Vacation Strategy
I have already had my fair number of client calls this summer WHILE my clients were on vacation. They’re often doing some work while they’re out, but in most cases—not an overwhelming amount. Ironically, the fact that they’re not completely disconnected is stressing them out more than the work itself. For people with intense careers that they love, I like to flip the idea of vacation on its head and ask: What are the things you want to do this week that will make it feel like vacation? The answers may be read a novel, spend time with family, grill and eat dinner outside. Completely disconnecting may not be on the list—and that’s ok. Schedule those vacation gems in your days first and then if you need to check email once a day and take a couple of calls—make sure those things don’t interfere with your vacation gems. You get to create what a vacation means to you and once you do, you can use YOUR design as your go to approach. 

Most importantly—to make summer feel like a standout player in your year—make the most of these months by peppering your schedule with those summer-specific things that bring you joy. Outdoor movies and music. Rooftop bars with old friends. Playing hooky on a slow day without meetings. And of course, the beach. The beach. The beach.

At the end of last May, a meteor came crashing down from the sky with a laser-focused target—my Google Calendar. I was as shocked by it's arrival as I had been each of the 6 years my kids have been attending school. Why do I continue to be caught off guard EACH year by the flurry of end of school events? The endless picnics, parties, dance recitals, yoga performances (What? Ok—it's Brooklyn), last field trips and random days off (I'm sorry—Clerical Day?). For working parents who are constantly battling the image of their kid being the only one "without a grownup" at these events—it's enough to make you want to give up altogether. And beyond the made-up (but realistic and dramatic) image brewing in your head, there are the actual tears. The tears that are part of the meltdown your child has when she finds out you can't make it to her recorder recital scheduled for TOMORROW that you learned about TODAY and you are leading a talk that's been on the calendar for a month. Those tears, followed by your tears because this whole thing is just not going well. 

After dealing with the fallout of the meteor—yet again—I vowed to make it my last year of walking into the fire unprepared. Here are the steps I took to restore sanity when it seemed like the odds were not in my favor. 

1. Get organized!
This year, I put a planning date on the calendar with my husband about six weeks before the meteor hit. We walked through all of the dates where we would need extra childcare coverage by tapping family and additional sitters, as well as scheduling a day or two off work for each of us. All end of year activities that we knew about (which were not many at this point) went on the Google Calendar. The planning gave us the feeling that we were in control—and that we could coordinate our work obligations AND give our girls a fun end of year experience. 

2. Build in buffer
You know that guy with whom you've been trying to meet, but you've rescheduled 3 times already? Don't schedule that meeting right now. Don't schedule that lunch or that coffee or those drinks. Don't make this the time you're going to take your business to the next level or take on that senior level presentation. You're not doing those things right now. You're creating buffer in your schedule so when last minute things come up—as they might—you have more flexibility to work from home or to cancel meetings that will be lower stakes. If you don't have the kind of role, job or business you can tone down in this way—you can reach out to more flexible family members or friends who may be able to be on standby during this time and/or commit to be your child's grownup at one or two of the events. 

3. Be proactive with teachers
You're going to need to be "that parent"—the one that emails the teachers to find out what the end of school events will be IN ADVANCE. Explain to them why you're asking. Appeal to them by saying you're trying to get more organized around year-end events so as a working parent—there can be fewer tears and less guilt! 

4. Get the kids' buy-in
Once you have a handle on the 80% of events that are planned, call a family meeting. Explain to your kids that it's VERY important to you to go to some of these events and that because you work—you won't be able to attend them all. Work together to choose which events are the most important to each child and do your best to attend those. Explain that there may be some events that come up last minute and you probably won't be able to make it to those. If you've lined up flexible family members on standby for last-minute events, you can choose to either mention that or play it by ear as those opportunities present themselves. 

5. Give yourself a break
Remember, no plan is perfect and Google Calendar can't protect you from the meteor. You're doing your best to orchestrate a plan where you continue to make your kids feel heard—and at the same time—do your job, run your business—save the world (or keep trying!). If the river of tears is unavoidable, remember—the guilt is a choice. You're not going to get it all right and that's part of being human. In the face of the tears, remind yourself that you're doing your best, you're learning and you're getting it right a lot of the time—which in the end is what you want your kids to learn for themselves. Who better to teach them than you? 

This is a work in progress. Learn from your experience this year and opportunities to optimize could be right around the corner. Back to school meteor prep, anyone? 

Photo Credit: Anthony Quintano

One day before International Women's Day and a planned women's strike, a bronze statue of a Fearless Girl appeared daring Wall Street's famous Charging Bull. She was fierce. She was bold. She was in charge. I shared her photo with my two daughters who instantly fell in love and kinship with this bronze girl who represented hope for them and their futures. The statue was perfectly placed in its temporary home by State Street Global Advisers to raise awareness of gender inequity on corporate boards. "Today, we are calling on companies to take concrete steps to increase gender diversity on their boards, and have issued clear guidance to help them begin to take action," State Street Global Advisors CEO Ron O'Hanley said in a statement. 

While this beautifully executed awareness campaign is one step in a larger movement to support women moving into senior leadership roles across the workforce, in my work on the ground with women leaders individually and within organizations, I continue to see a disconnect between words and actions. Employers want to help. They're putting new policies in place, but they're stuck in cultures that are slow to understand the levers that can make an impact and deliver on changes once they're understood. 

Based on the trends I see in my work with women, what makes them consciously choose to stay in junior and mid-level roles and what drives them to opt-out of the workforce altogether, I've highlighted five focus areas where employers can further support their female workforce and create cultures that are amenable to women rising to leadership roles within organizations. 

1. Support self-promotion and the development of personal brands
The high achieving women I see aced their academic lives. They graduated with honors from prestigious schools. In essence, they followed the rules. As many of us have learned, following the rules and doing good work is not what drives success in the workplace. It's part of it, sure, but there's something else that generally speaking—men do naturally and women loathe: self-promotion. Self-promotion has become my anthem when I speak of women in leadership. See my 5 Commandments Of Self-Promotion. It is imperative to plant the seeds of your great work early and often if you want to build a personal brand within and outside of your organization. In order to do this, employers can provide and support opportunities for emerging women leaders to attend conferences, speak on panels and present their work within the organization. Public speaking is a key component to most senior roles. Gaining practice and comfort with it early in a career, as well as leveraging the exposure of presenting as an expert, can become a solid infrastructure for success. 

2. Focus on long-term professional development
Many of the women I coach are hungry to learn new skills and are ready for new opportunities, but they fear having long-term growth conversations with their leaders. This leaves them to either stay too long in a role or begin to look elsewhere, which can be daunting when they have some flexibility in a company after a long tenure. Often times when they do have these conversations, they feel as if they've hit a brick wall. Many employers are focused on the needs of the here and now, the business goals of the current role—which makes sense given the intensive demands placed on organizations and leaders to perform. But—this approach produces creative stagnation and drives employee engagement to plummet. It does not prompt employees to want to grow within their organizations and it negates any vision they may have to rise to senior ranks. While I work with my clients to become leaders and drivers of their own careers, the culture of their companies plays a critical role in supporting this kind of thinking and growth mentality. People evolve and want to focus on their strengths and interests. Skilled leaders open the door to ongoing growth conversations and they think outside of their own project needs to include what's best for the employee overall. 

3. Take Unconscious Bias seriously
This one keeps me up at night. Often when women begin to advocate for themselves, speak up in meetings, provide feedback, act with the authority their titles should command, [insert any leadership quality here]—they are met with resistance, stereotypes and a backlash that would not be received by male leaders at their level. Women can build up their inner strength and confidence with a coach like me, but if they continue to hit walls within their companies, change will not be possible. Organizations like Google and Facebook are leading the way with "Unconscious Bias" trainings that are not only available to their organizations, but also publicly available so that other organizations can learn and implement a similar approach. As with any corporate culture shift, there must be senior leadership awareness and buy-in that bias is currently an issue and that it must be addressed with training and accountability for every employee. 

4. Create open communication about work-life balance
Find out what's important to your employee. Maybe it's being home for a family dinner and getting back online when the kids go to bed. Perhaps it's a no 9 am meetings rule. (Most working mom's have moved mountains at home and then added a commute on top of it to make a 9 am meeting). Or maybe it's the ability to completely go offline over the weekend. It's different for everyone, so it's important for employees to feel safe enough to discuss what makes life manageable and dare I say meaningful with their leaders so that they can come up with a plan that works for both parties. 

5. Build cultures where mistakes are possible
One of the biggest trends I see holding my clients back is perfectionism. The need to double, triple and quadruple check every minute detail can be the killer of both creativity and productivity. While I'm a proponent of high quality work, I see many women setting unattainable expectations for not only themselves but also their direct reports. These out of reach standards can lead to a hesitance in delegating tasks, keeping women leaders handling more junior level assignments instead of focusing on strategic initiatives that will keep them on the rising track. When employers create cultures that allow humans to be humans, flaws and all—employees have the space to move beyond the pressure and the perfectionism that keeps them running in place. 

While I work alongside many other coaches, organizational development professionals, writers, women's networking organizations and leadership institutes (and the list goes on…) in this march toward gender equality, there's a world of difference employers can make even beyond the longer Parental Leave policies they're beginning to implement. Parental leave is important, but it can't and it shouldn't be the only topic of conversation when it comes to a gender disparity in leadership. In kick-starting discussion around the above five points, you can make a difference. It may take a permanent installation of a fierce little girl challenging a bull that is five times her size to continue to make the point, but that's where we're at right now. So hands on hips, ladies, and let's do this thing. 

If you’ve ever had that morning when your two year old clearly knows you have a 9 am meeting so she decides to throw a fit when you leave and your babysitter pries her out of your arms and you make it to the subway, to the office, coffee in hand with one minute to spare. Then you have that sinking feeling when you arrive and the conference room is empty and you check your calendar again and realize—the meeting was actually at the agency’s office across town. (Cue Meltdown)

How about when you’re running in to pump in your boss’s glass office that you’ve covered with poster board from floor to ceiling. You have 30 minutes until your next meeting. You race to get undressed and strapped into the torture device (I mean, pump) and realize you’re missing one essential part. (Melt. Down.)

Or you hear the date of the final class trip you promised you would chaperone and it turns out, you’re scheduled to present to the CMO. You break the news to your irate daughter and all of a sudden Kindergarten is locked down in infamy, as “the year mommy didn’t go on any trips.” (Ready, set, meltdown)

In these moments, my gut instinct used to be berating myself about doing a shitty job at this whole balancing act. And asking, “How is this ever going to work? How do other people do this? Where’s the ice cream?” I was left confused and paralyzed…with a nasty sugar hangover.

I’m a Type A at heart, so I don’t expect these meltdowns to go away completely, but in the past two years, I’ve been able to consciously shift the way I handle these moments. I may always be pushing the boundaries of time and my finite amount of energy, but I’ve started respecting these red flags and using them as reminders that I don’t have to live like this all the time.

When I work with clients who are dealing with this same struggle, that feeling that they’re “not doing any of it well”—I teach them the approach I use to get back on track. 

It goes like this...

1. Cheer up your best friend, you:
   Instead of dragging yourself through the mud (you know how that feels), try acknowledging how much you’re pulling off. Believe me, your husband, your boss and your kids are not going to see it, if you can’t see it yourself.  Find what works for you, but I’ve written a little speech that I like. 
   
   You’re doing/juggling/pulling off a ton right now and you’re doing most of it really well.
   You’re not a robot. (Sometimes it helps to say this 2x.)
   It’s not going to all work perfectly and that’s ok.
   Perfect is boring and people love you because you’re weird…in a good way!
   You got this.  
    
2. Create a buffer:
   You’re doing too much. You need to clear the decks and add more space into your life. What are you doing that your husband or other family members can do? What can your children do for themselves? One of the best days of my life was when my 7 year old started showering on her own.  Are you a laundry addict? Try going from 3 times a week to 2, or blasphemy…1.
    
3. Write, re-write or pull out your priority list:
   Back when I was single and dating, somebody quite wise told me to write a list of 4 to 5 things I wanted in my ideal guy and to keep that list in my wallet. I thought it was ridiculous at the time, but I was open to trying something new. I did it and my list went like this: Smart, Funny, Doting, Handsome, Creative. Anytime I started dating someone, I would run him past the list to make sure he had everything on it. And most of the time, he didn’t. Until, finally, he did…and I married him.
   
   Now, I want you to do the same thing with the high level things you want in your life. It’s not a detailed life plan, but it’s a quick barometer that can let you know when you’re out of balance.  Here’s mine: Peace, Courage, Connection, Inspiration, Fun. When I’m doing too much, I run some of the things I’m doing by this list and it helps me filter out the tasks that aren’t bringing me there.
    
4. Add something you love back into your life:
   As moms, our creative outlets and our joy often come last on the list of daily agenda items. How’s that approach working for you? Instead, choose something you truly love and do it for an hour a week. If an hour seems like too long, start with 15 minutes. It doesn’t need to be something you’re good at, something you’ll make money doing or something you share with anyone. It simply must be something you love. Something only for you. You deserve it. Refer back to number 1 to remind yourself of all that you’re doing! Not only is it your treat, but the creative fuel will give you the mojo to charge through the rest of the items on your list like a boss.

Now of course, if you’re motivated, you can kick this process into gear without having a meltdown moment. But the next time you (hypothetically) almost miss your client session because the Keyfood delivery is two hours late due to a hurricane that never happened, just know that there’s a way to bring yourself out of the depths and back into a world where you can be your imperfect and authentic self. 

Last week I went to my sixth and final preschool “Meet the Teachers” evening. All the preschool bases were covered—emergent curriculum, the not-so-subtle helicopter parent warnings, show and tell of the sweet art that will be sent home (95% of which will end up in the trash under crumpled paper towels when nobody’s looking) and then it happened. The moment I’ve dreaded for six years running. The Class Parent Solicitation.

Since I’ve done this a few times, I could basically lip-synch the speech. “It’s not that much time. Just a few emails. The more parents who sign up, the less work it is.” And then, in slow motion the public humiliation began. The sign up sheet was passed from one parent to the next until it made it’s way around the room. As it came closer, I felt the room heat up a few degrees, the sweat dripped off my temples and the excuses bubbled up to the surface.

On the menu this year: “I can’t, I’m building a business!”
Last year: “Forget it, I’m running the marathon.”
The year before that: “We're moving.”
Before that: “I have an infant.”
Finally: “I’m pregnant.”

While these are all valid excuses, it doesn’t take a genius (or a coach) to figure out—“Hold up, something’s telling me, I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS!” And I feel like I should—but why?  If I tell myself it’s for the kids, the truth is—that they have no clue what a class parent does. They don’t see the emails back and forth about teacher gifts and every last school fundraiser.

For me—and I’m guessing a few others out there—it’s about my own guilt and what others might think.

Bypassing my inner conflict, I also handed the sign up sheet, unchanged along to the parent next to me, but that moment stayed with me for the rest of the evening. 

At first I calmed myself by saying, maybe next year (lie) but then I thought,

What would my connection to my kids’ education look like if I was NEVER a class parent?

What’s a way to get involved that feels (dare I say) fun and not like a chore?

As a wave of relief ran through me, I was flooded with ideas:

• More class trips (in my favorite city)
• Singing in class with the kids—which I love!
• Career Day (hello 26 seven year old Coaches unleashed on their respective worlds!)
• Dramatic readings of my favorite (age-appropriate) Judy Blume books

Yes. This all feels more like me and less like who I think others think I should be (especially when they’re probably not even thinking that).

And while my list resonates with me, I’m quite grateful for all of you parents out there who look at it and would actually prefer the administrative Class Parent role. I know you’re out there. I’ve talked to some of you and I hope our kids will be in the same class one day.

I know I'll get an Amen when I say--we’re all busy. We’re all doing our best. When you feel that guilt creep in, challenge it. Question it. What do you really want here? You may be able to find your way through it, get what you want and still get the chance to read “Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing” a second or even a third time. 
 

SET UP YOUR COMPLIMENTARY STRATEGY SESSION TO GET STARTED

 

Get in touch for an hour-long Strategy Session if you're ready to ditch the guilt and overwhelm and discover your confidence. 

You’re back at work. You’re pumping three times a day (or your goal is four, but you fit in three). You’re dozing off in meetings about campaigns that launched while you were out. All you can think about is how many ounces your little one took today and if she finally made the poop that was coming to her. 

When you have some (well deserved) downtime during your workday or on your commute—I highly recommend the following podcasts to bring you the inspiration and energy you thought would come from that fourth cup of coffee (but no such luck).

1. Magic Lessons with Elizabeth Gilbert
ALERT – Stop what you’re doing right now (even if it’s due by COB) and download the first three episodes of Magic Lessons. Liz Gilbert’s mellow and thoughtful tone—even her opening music—had me hooked within minutes. She selects a willing participant each episode and coaches her to tap into her creativity and her lifelong passions; to find ways to release guilt, ignore what others think—and begin. I want to wallpaper my home office with the brilliantly relevant and poignant quotes she selects for each caller. The message that Gilbert is bringing to the surface truly speaks to me as a woman and mother. We spend our days taking care of others and putting our creative energy as one of our lowest priorities. And by doing so, we are missing out on the precious fuel that allows us to come to our caregiving and the rest of our lives as happy, whole selves.

2. The Longest Shortest Time
The Longest Shortest Time is a podcast and blog, hosted by author and This American Life contributor Hillary Frank. Averaging around 25 minutes an episode, it’s the perfect length to listen to during a pumping session. Covering unconventional stories of parenthood and the messy moments some people don’t like to talk about—the podcast will help you stay connected to your role as mom when it seems like your baby is a world away. LST reminds you that you’re not the first and only one to pull off this crazy experiment. And really, laughing at ourselves is the best way to enjoy it. Beyond the podcast, there is an uber active and supportive Facebook group that is a must-join for anyone seeking validation of just how much you're pulling off right now. 

3. First Day Back
If long form content and detailed storytelling is more your thing, jump to the beginning of documentary filmmaker, Tally Abicassis’s story, where she chronicles her return to work after a six year maternity leave. Tally touches on the real fears and mixed emotions of moms who are heading back after a long gap. Interviews with her 3 and 6 year old boys provide fun highlights that take the story in a different direction than you would expect.

4. School of Greatness
Having a baby has shifted your priorities and you may be wondering if the career path you’re on is right for you in the long-term. You may be asking yourself how your job matches up to your values and your unique strengths. Guess what? You’re onto something and the School of Greatness podcast provides an endless connection to accomplished leaders and innovators who can help you take this journey—FOR FREE. Whether you want to hone your leadership skills in your current role, start your own business or simply begin to re-evaluate your life purpose, this podcast will give you the jolt of positive mojo you need to turn off The Real Housewives marathon and get into action.

5. Here’s the Thing with Alec Baldwin
This one has nothing to do with parenthood and everything to do with re-connecting to the person you were before you had kid/s.  If like me, you were obsessed with all things Carrie Bradshaw back in the day, please go straight to the Sarah Jessica Parker episode and drink her in. I may or may not have listened to that one twice.  If you’re not back to your pre-baby reading pace, Here’s the Thing will expose you to writers, directors and actors who are inspiring and most of the time—really freaking funny. If you get a chance to get out to that party your friends want to drag you to, Here’s The Thing will give you something interesting to say beyond explaining why there’s still spit-up on your shoulder.

If you're looking for a little extra support with your return to work, book a complimentary Clarity Call with me to discuss coaching options at rachelbgarrett.com/coaching